“This is what you have decided at home,” Ryan Seacrest scolded us. Yes Ryan, along with all of our other sordid activities, we did not vote enough times for American Idol’s wild-haired rocker Colton Dixon this week. Right now I’m picturing Colton as the garage-band teenager in that Siri commercial. “I’ll call you Christian Rock God, okay?”
I didn’t expect Colton’s elimination – I think I’d been conditioned by Jimmy Iovine (#donttelljimmy #jimmydontcare) to believe that the only people voting are teenage girls who think the white boys were cute. I expected Elise Testone to go home this week.
Turned out Hollie Cavanagh had landed with Colton in the bottom two. Elise had been hanging out on the stools of doom with those two until Ryan sent her sashaying back to the couches in her finest Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion corporate casual wear. She’ll have the business woman’s lunch special, Ryan, when you get a chance.
Colton had to save face after they’d shown a clip of him reacting to the judges’ disapproval of Wednesday night’s “September” performance. “Honestly, I’m not trying to sound cocky, but I don’t care,” he’d said in the heat of the moment. So he apologized for not being himself that night. “I appreciate what you told me and I’ll take that when I’m making a record.” Yes baby, yes baby, cooed J. Lo. You’re going to make soooo many records. Colton then launched into his favorite worship song, Lifehouse’s “Everything.” According to the lyrics, all he wants and needs is God.
Colton doesn’t want it anymore, Ryan!
So now, surprisingly, there are four girls and only two guys left. Guess who’s happy?
This is a much better image of P. Phil to carry you through the week than the one of him devastated by his buddy’s exit. Phillip also reacted hilariously to the idea of J. Lo thinking he was so sexy this week. “Hey, what’s your number?” he asked, stroking his chin. “Your daddy let you date?” Hot.
NEXT: LMFAO get wasted on a bottle of water