‘Twas the night before Vegas in Hollywood, an evil place where friendly-seeming gnomes (the gnomes are not what they seem) can make thunder happen. The Group Round was pretty dreadful, some of the solos sounded promising, and then J. Lo wore a fire blanket bathrobe to send Room 3 to the fiery pit of hell that is the world outside of American Idol.
Let’s get to it!
First up: The groups. Oh, some of them were so awful. We didn’t see all of them, not by far, but we did have to sit through The Bettys because one of their members was the one hurling into a clear trash bag as the girls sat in a circle last week. Yum. This time, a different girl was dehydrated and yet another kept throwing up in the bathroom after getting sent home. Equally terrible was patient zero Amy Brumfield’s group, in which a different patient – let’s call her Nurse Jacquie – fainted in the aisle while applauding for other people. (Lesson learned. Never do that!) The poor girl had just finished saying the only thing she’d caught from Tent Girl was a positive attitude, and her reward was dizzy feet. I blame Nigel Lythgoe, somehow. Anyway, it’s back to Tennessee for Amy B. More like TENTessee, am I right? (Thanks @Jesster9.)
The saving grace of the Make You Believers was the group’s only member to advance, Mathenee Treco. He grossly oversang his part to make up for the ineptitude of his team, but his greatness has nothing to do with his voice. No, his greatness lies in his subtle, unacknowledged impression of Alicia Silverstone in Clueless during Cher’s debate class speech, when she famously argued “If we could just get to the kitchen, rearrange some things, we could certainly party with the Haiti-ans.” Mathenee too spoke of having to “rearrange some things” after Jacquie’s collapse.
And may Mathenee remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty?!
NEXT: Brielle Von Hugel was, like, totally buggin’