'American Idol' recap: Two birds, one show | EW.com

TV Recaps | American Idol

'American Idol' recap: Two birds, one show

In the first elimination show of the finals, Ryan reveals the new Judges Save rule, but it doesn't keep two singers from getting sent home anyhow

American Idol

(Michael Becker/American Idol/Getty Images; Ray Mickshaw/Fox)

Week one of the Idol season 8 finals has come to a close, and I’m thrilled to report that the public did exactly the right thing, sending ”package artist” Jasmine Murray to the arms of her genetically blessed family, and ending the ”journey” of lovable but vocally outclassed Jorge Nuñez. And, naturally, the show’s producers have rewarded American Idol voters’ good taste by…forcing ‘em face down on the hood of a car and cuffing their collective hands behind their backs?

Oh now, now, now…you know I’m just exaggerating for dramatic effect. But cut me some slack: After one of the most uneventful, un-suspenseful results shows in recent Idol history, I’m kind of at a loss for an angle here.

In case you missed tonight’s telecast (blasphemy!), Ryan and Simon explained a new Idol policy that’s being instituted for season 8; the clunkily monikered ”Judges’ Save” will allow Paula, Simon, Randy, and Kara to band (unanimously) together, nullify the public’s vote, and save an eliminated contestant on one occasion (and one occasion only) this season. If and when immunity is granted to the lowest vote-getter, no contestant will be ousted that night, and there’ll be a double-elimination the following week.

Now I could work myself into a tizzy by noting that in a season where the judges/producers already got to (abysmally) hand-pick almost a quarter of the top 13 finalists with the return of the Wild Card, it’s a little galling to see them coming in for another power grab. But what good would it do? Better, then, to point out how the Idol failed to do even the most rudimentary fact-checking for tonight’s telecast. Did you all notice how they cited Michael Johns, Jennifer Hudson, Tamyra Gray, and Chris Daughtry as examples of how the Judges’ Save might have saved worthy contestants in previous seasons? Problem is, Tamyra and Chris finished fourth in their respective seasons — and as Ryan pointed out tonight, the Judges’ Save must be utilized before the top 5 round. And don’t even get me started on the revisionist history that the judges liked or appreciated J.Hud’s crazy-eyed season 3 fabulousness — not until she up and won herself an Oscar, that is.

But anyhow, that’s all ancient history — much like Jasmine and Jorge will be by next Tuesday when the 11 remaining singers tackle one of the more vague themes in show history — ”songs popularized by members of The Grand Ole Opry.” But before we recount the sleep-inducing proceedings of tonight’s telecast, let us briefly pause for our new results-night tradition of penning an Idol-themed ditty, this one set to the tune of Michael Jackson’s ''Bad.'' Click here if you want a little musical accompaniment from the King of Pop, and even if you can’t carry a tune, sing along — as Simon noted, there’s no need for artistry when it comes to Idol!

Jorge is gone /
Princess Jasmine, too /
They’ll pack their bags /
But not Anoop /
The Idol house /
It’s so bourgeois /
Hot Megan Joy /
She sings ”caw-caw”

Come on, come on /
Rockin’ robin, all right

The shocking twist? /
Was not so much. /
The group number /
Caused a fierce couch-clutch. /
‘Cause no one likes /
A lame medley. /
Add jank dance moves /
Twice as deadly.

They had two eliminations /
And the right folks got the boot /
Too bad Kara could not join them /
And the backup singers too

Because the band, they’re bad /
Come on /
(Bad band, really, really bad) /
You know they’re bad, they’re bad /
You know it /
(Bad band, really, really bad) /
They once were good, now bad /
Come on, you know /
(Bad band, really, really bad) /
Rickey Minor has to answer right now /
‘Cause the band’s accompaniment /
Is bad

NEXT: It’s so hard to say goodbye…or maybe not