America's Next Top Model
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”America’s Next Top Model”: The secrets come out
After last week’s humdrum episode, it’s nice to see that America’s Next Top Model is back in fine form. First of all, how weird is Lisa? We all know that she’s a drunk and a little wacky and obviously has more self-esteem and other issues than one show can handle. But that inebriated montage of her putting the bubbles in the hot tub, raving about how she loves bubbles, making crazy faces, and providing some more girls-gone-wild topless shots (not to mention her later on-screen ”dance” with comedian Chris Spencer and heart-to-heart with the bush she called Cousin It) was as fascinating as it was heinous. The best part? When she boozily told another soapy model, ”I almost think the bubbles are owning you, and you aren’t owning the bubbles.”
This girl is one hiccup away from a full-on intervention. Tyra, while having a chat with the models about their vices, got Lisa to admit that she’s a wino but didn’t follow through. By the way, don’t these models have competitions or challenges or other things to do during the day besides drink and watch others get drunk? How much down time do they have?
If only Lisa weren’t so freakin’ good in competition. Nigel summed it up best: ”There’s something about this girl that leaves you wanting more. However, I also can’t stand Lisa.” Admittedly, she composed herself quite well during the Ryan Devlin ET on MTV interview, and her photo was on point. But how can someone so annoying and so wasted be so effervescent and fresh on camera? And will this be enough for her in the long run? Being able to imitate a top model does not a top model make.
This episode was full of product placements — Iman’s new beauty book, VH1’s series The Fabulous Life of…, Secret Platinum Plus (in addition to the usual Cover Girl, Elle, and ElleGirl prizes). I’m surprised Mondavi hasn’t gotten in on the action by donating some crates of wine to support Lisa’s daily habit. But during the Iman segment, how weird did they look hanging out with all that food product on their cover-girl faces? It reminded me of my year-old niece after she eats a bowl of oatmeal.
Finally, we’re starting to see some of the other girls’ claws come out. And it’s about time: Either these chicks (with the exception of a wacky few) are poised beyond belief, or they are the blandest crop of model wannabes ever. It’s like a house of Naimas. But I must take issue now with the one who used to be my girl, Jayla. Pixieish and spritely, yes. But what’s with the enormous claws and attitude? Stealing Nik’s ”secret” during the commercial taping and then, in confessional, blaming Nik for giving her the cold shoulder and threatening that ”something big is going down”? (By the way, what’s up with the panties and bras pinned to the walls of the confessionals? A little distracting and superfluous, to say the least.) Either we’re missing something in the editing, or elfish Jayla’s got a wicked frosty side that wasn’t left at the North Pole. ”It is so like high school here,” she said. Yes, Jayla, and you’ve been exposed as head mean girl. Lisa may be crazy, but you’re looking just plain e-vil.
Kudos to Coryn, though, for finally standing up to Lisa (and for showing some emotion, for Nielsen’s sake). She takes beautiful pictures, but let’s face it: Coryn has always been as dull as toast, even in her previous spats with her arch-nemesis. It turns out that the little spitfire was just waiting for the right moment to come to life, and I was as proud as a mother to witness it: When Lisa lamely said, ”You’re basically presenting yourself like a moron,” Coryn lashed back with ”And what are you doing, alcoholic bitch?” Ladies and gentlemen, we have a pulse!
Unfortunately, that little blip on the EKG came too late, as Coryn could not seem to turn her manly frown upside down and was booted from the competition. While I’m not getting the sense that any girl in this group is fit to become a top model, I thought Nik was going to get the axe for being so wooden this week. Coryn did take a better picture and was more natural in the commercial. But I guess the producers wanted to drag out Nik’s tiff with Jayla for a couple more eps, to see if that ”karma’s a bitch” maxim really does pan out.
What do you think? Is Lisa a force to be reckoned with, despite her drinking? Should Tyra have intervened with her? Was the judging fair this week?