Previously, on The Bachelorette: Bentley left, Ashley cried, and viewers felt something between outrage and “outrage.” This week, as the lone beach ball floating serenely on the surface of Casa Bachelor’s pool at the opening of last night’s episode indicated, Team Bachelorette decided Ashley deserved a week off from emotional hate crimes. And for that, I am thankful. So, onward and upward! Or at least laterally!
Harrison assembles the guys and gives them the usual rundown about the dates — but he’s got no date card to deliver… because they’re about to leave the mansion
until they resurface on Bachelor Pad 2 forever and head to Thailand!! Ashley is already there, kicking back in a wooden boat and strolling the beach in red short-shorts and a teeny tiny tank top. She hasn’t gotten over Bentley yet. “I’m really hoping I can dig out of this hole.” Who better to help her do that than Annie, the official Navigator (or something) at the Renaissance Phuket Resort & Spa? Ashley asks her for tourism advice, and while Annie tries to be professional she can’t help but emit a horrified “Oh my God” when the Bachelorette inquires about planning dates with 12 men. Sure, Thailand has its issues, but I doubt Annie has ever been tasked with planning something so unseemly.
The guys arrive and after scouting their phat suite, Constantine gets the first date. We don’t know much about Constantine other than that he has too much hair, he’s easy to confuse with Ben F., and he keeps getting roses, so this should be interesting. Especially since the windy, rainy weather is not cooperating with their date… because as the subtitled skipper informs Ashley and Constantine, the waters are too rough to take a boat out to the private beach as originally planned. Instead they decide to stroll into the town center, which Ashley somewhat incongruously declares “cute,” to shop for souvenirs. Constantine, who informs Ashley that “locals” are the best part of any vacation, insists on grilling some poor shopkeeper who was just minding his own business by the plastic crates. With the help of an English speaking passer-by, he and Ashley demand to know how long he’s been married (36 years) and how he has stayed married so long (forgive and forget, and “don’t try to win”). Good advice! Over a beer, Ashley and Constantine toast to “not winning,” which is very appropriate given the circumstances.
At dinner they relocate to another “cute” location — a pillow-piled bed on the beach — where Ashley is still pining for Bentley, though she hasn’t admitted it to Constantine. He hasn’t picked up on how distracted she is, and seems to be having a good time. “I do feel like I’m connecting with you in ways that are, like, normal,” he explains. And to be honest Constantine does seem, for lack of a better word, like a normal guy, and a nice guy, but I’m not feeling a lot of chemistry between the two of them. Not that he isn’t trying, explaining to Ashley that he’s “more open” now in relationships because he’s gotten over his fear of being hurt. Enough talk, Constantine! What are you waiting for? Go in for the kiss! Instead, he simply turns pink and says he’s “flattered” when Ashley inevitably gives him the date rose. Honestly, I think she probably would have given that Thai boat captain a date rose if he took her out for beers.
NEXT: The Bachelorette as a force for good — what a novel idea!