I only got two hours of sleep last night. So, while watching Thursday night’s episode of Big Brother, I began to wonder: Did I fall asleep and begin dreaming? Or are things actually happening in the Big Brother house tonight? Fortunately — or unfortunately, considering how I need shut-eye like Rachel needs foundation (ZING!) — I was wide awake. More than halfway through a yawn-worthy season filled with canoodling, sleeping, and terrible, terrible gameplay, we were finally (finally!) treated to an episode in which cast members took risks, for better or for worse. Even better news? We now have a level playing field, people! In weeks past, we watched Daniele’s tiny alliance play the David to Big Jeff’s Goliath alums team. But now, with the game’s two biggest power players eliminated in the course of one single episode, the match-up is more comparable to…Solomon and Moses? God, I’m a terrible Catholic. Point being: For the first time in season 13’s Big Brother house, the alliances are evenly matched. We’ve got six players, two alliances, and three on each side. And, with the eviction of Daniele and Jeff, no alphas remaining. (Aldous Huxley just rolled over in his grave at the thought of what they would produce!) So that only means one thing: Next week, anything can happen. And anyone can emerge as a new power player, at last making this season interesting.
But who will that power player be? Considering how just two weeks back, I wrote Shelly off as delusional David Spade in drag, I’m shocked to find myself hoping that the Southern gal rattles up the game. After all, she was the only one to have the sense to realize that Jeff and Jordan needed to leave the house in order for any of the other houseguests to have a chance at winning. Watching Shelly almost successfully sway Adam and (holy crap!) Rachel to keep Daniele in the house — why, I was as shocked as Rachel perusing Brendon’s email. Where did this Shelly come from? Of course, ultimately, Shelly’s efforts were unsuccessful, since Rachel desires to skin Daniele, bedazzle her, and wear her as a dress HAHAHA, and why would Adam do anything interesting when he could just continue to lie there, and…oh look, Jeff threw a ball! Fetch Adam fetch! Good boy!
NEXT: The walk of shame