Sonja Flemming/CBS
Josh Wolk
September 08, 2009 AT 11:52 PM EDT

Big Brother

TV Show
Reality TV
Julie Chen
Current Status
In Season

Big Brother fans, it may be time to admit it: We got got. By Natalie. I think all the rain this season was a bad omen; even Mother Nature sensed that BB wasn’t going to end well. So lately, whenever it rains, and my four-year-old daughter asks me, ”Daddy, what is rain?” I answer, ”God is crying because Natalie may winBig Brother.” And she nods knowingly and I tell her another bedtime story starring Chicken George, Marcellas, and Josh Souza. I never said I was a good father.

I guess we all saw knew things were going to get worse after Jeff got evicted last Thursday. After he walked out, just saying no to a Kevin hug, Kevin snipped, ”What’s funny is, if he’d have approached me for a vote, I probably would have kept him. But he never approached me.” I know, Kev! What kind of world is it where someone won’t attempt to form an alliance with the guy who just broke his word and screwed him over? If the BB house is a Skinner box, Kevin is the psychologist standing over it begging the mice to try pressing the zappy button just one more time.

From there we relived the demoralizing horror of Natalie winning HOH. What other crushed-dreams footage would you like to reair, CBS? Got any surveillance footage of me being rejected for the prom that you’d like to broadcast during sweeps? But this time we got her victory with added footage that painted a bigger picture of just what a sore winner she is. She paced the backyard like a spaz who just won a ”Most Improved” trophy, shouting, ”Yes! I go to final three!…And I earned it!” She earned it? First of all, it’s HOH, not a merit badge. And second of all, you ”earned it” by guessing cans, which is a pretty low bar for human accomplishment. That’s like saying I earned being full because I chewed my food.

Soon after her victory, Natalie began doing what she does best: overthinking strategy. She decided that the ”only way” to get rid of Michele or Jordan was to put Kevin up as a red herring with Jordan. Her logic was that she couldn’t risk putting up the two women together, because Jordan was strong and won competitions; if Jordan won POV, she’d take herself off, Kevin would go up in her place, and Jordan would vote him out. Two flaws in that theory: One, Michele has won far more competitions than Jordan. Sure, Jordan did well on the last one, but that involved random questions like guessing if Casey had a mail-order banana business. So by Natalie’s logic, she should have put up Michele and Kevin. But in the end she should have put Michele and Jordan up because of flaw number two: No matter who’s on the block, Natalie and Kevin have to win, or Kevin goes up and out. So if you were gambling on someone’s life, wouldn’t you start him in a place of being safe, rather than being endangered?

NEXT: Natalie opens Pandora’s Box and pulls out a proposal

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