And so, after ten weeks of countless got gottings and one banana suiting, we have a winner for Big Brother 11: sweet, sweet Jordan. On a superficial, good-triumphs-over-annoying level, I feel good about it. How can you not? A slightly dim all-American girl who is as blonde as a cornfield and just wants to buy her evicted momma a house? You try rooting against that! You might as well root against babies with kittens on their heads. And yet, when I disengage all personal and social reflexes, I find myself feeling that strategic justice was not done. I don’t like anything that Natalie stands for in the game, but at least she stood for something.
For the last time this season, let’s go through the week chronologically; maybe if I relive it, I’ll feel better about the outcome. The week began with the first part of the HOH competition; Kevin, Jordan, and Natalie were walking on a rotating log as the Big Brother production team cleaned out whatever was left in the challenge supply closet and dropped it on the players’ heads. Snow, water, leaves…I’m surprised that they weren’t pelted with slop and Jeremy Piven standees. Natalie used the opportunity to whip out some characteristically ham-handed strategy. First, she badmouthed the just-evicted Michele, saying, ”She’s not a villain, she’s just a bitch,” and telling Jordan that Michele would likely be making a pass at Jeff in the house, because she’s always been after him. Holy cow, did Natalie plan her strategy by watching old tapes of Dynasty episodes?
When Jordan dropped, Natalie giddily confirmed her plan with Kevin: She would drop first, and then win round 2 since it’s always knowledge-based, and who’s smarter than Natalie? No, other than everyone who’s ever beaten her in a knowledge-based challenge. See? She’s smart! And she proved it in round two by…tanking it. In the skee-ball challenge, she got one ball in the wrong hole, and somehow screwed it up so the rest of the balls were wrong, too, leaving Jordan to grab the win. The show went off the air with Natalie explaining and rationalizing her mistake to Kevin and Jordan, and I think she’s still explaining it now. At this point in the show I was thrilled at the prospect of her losing; never has someone’s image of themselves been so inversely proportional to their actual skill set. I fear that she will try to parlay her BB fame into teaching a series of Learning Annex courses on other things she has no actual aptitude for. I’ll sign up for ”Master Building with Natalie,” just so I can be there to watch her nail her thumb to a belt sander.
In the middle of this episode, we got to see Jeff’s arrival at the Jury House. This provided an interesting window into just how much the evictees had turned on Natalie. Nobody had anything good to say about her. Though Jessie, of all people, did make a separate, interesting point. When Jeff was talking about how Michele and Jordan would go after Kevin because he’d burned Jeff, Jessie said, ”After you go out, people don’t care about you.” This was actually a good foreshadowing for Natalie’s finale-night problem: she kept going on about how hard she worked to avenge her friends, and actually, after they had been booted, they stopped caring about her.
NEXT: It’s old home week, with Evel Dick!