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Settle down, people. Tonight’s episode was arguably the most boring installment of Season 14 yet. Okay fine, we saw Shane and Danielle make it to first base again, but that plot line has me throwing up in my mouth a little bit more with each passing week. Who else is nauseous? But enough bitching already! That’s what Mike “Boogie” is for (for those of you who missed tonight’s episode). God I hate those quotes in his frickin’ name.
No doubt in the spirit of the London Olympics, this week’s HOH competish was all about endurance. Picking up in medias res, the houseguests were afforded the most luxurious task of dangling from a pirate ship while constantly being pelted by freezing rain and seagull poop. It better had been real.
The women dominated the contest and Danielle won HOH, thanks to some extra encouragement from former Coach Dan. Once again playing the weakling card a la Season 10 and intentionally throwing the challenge, Dan explained, “If [Danielle] doesn’t win, I might be in trouble, so I’m coaching my tail off like I’ve never done before.”
During and after the HOH Competition, Boogie’s panties were all in a wad after Dan revealed that Frank would have been evicted had the coach-turned-player twist not taken effect. Former Coach Boogs informed his ex-player Frank of this new information and the two power players aimed their venom at Danielle and Wil, who, as swing votes, had both promised to keep Frank in the house.
Here we go. Boogie reverted into his usual Mr. Cocky Berserker self, even declaring “I hate hate hate hate that Danielle is the HOH this week. I’d almost be insulted if I wasn’t nominated.” That’s a lotta hate. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that every time I type “Boogie” I think of “booger”. Just thought I’d get that off my chest.
Can Booger keep his mouth shut? Of course not. Boogs confronted Britney about Frank’s avoiding eviction by the hair of his chinny chin chin, causing Dan – always the peacemaker – to fess up to Britney and Danielle that he made a mistake by telling Boogie that Frank almost went home.
Who wants to see Danielle’s HOH room!? Not Mike Booger. “I can’t stand this girl,” he says, “and I’m not in the mood to see her dole out candy bars.” On the contrary, Shane was eating whatever Danielle is serving. And in the Big Brother house, that usually means good-ole, processed American fodder. Gazing longingly at Danielle in all her HOH bliss, Shane couldn’t help but divulge, “She’s been sharing some stories with me for the past couple weeks and it’s definitely cool to have a story to go aside with a picture.” That’s not a typo, folks.
NEXT PAGE: Ian lovingly strokes his own skinny thigh