No matter how many millions of people are watching you every week, if you are stuck inside a house all summer long, you’re going to lose some perspective of the outside world. Tonight, a little was brought back into the Big Brother house. It helped everyone to remind themselves why they are playing the game and that at the end of the day, losing really isn’t the end of the world.
But enough sap—the continuation of the slippery and sloppy Head of Household endurance competition was actually pretty intense to watch. Well, not of course if you watch the live feeds; the first 20 minutes must have been a little boring for you, but the rest of America got quite a show. After everyone had their obligatory confessional moment saying why they want/need/HAVE to win the HOH this week, the competition quickly became a four-way race between Caleb, Frankie, Nicole, and Christine. While resembling his daughter learning to walk, Derrick conceded he A) should have learned ballet and B) it would be smarter for him to try and fill the $5,000/5,000 Hollas smaller snowman instead. So that’s exactly what he does and wins the money for a
hip replacement college fund for his daughter. (Holla atcha boy!) I’m pretty sure Victoria was “competing” at some point, too, but that term has a vague meaning for her.
Nearly 90 minutes into the competition, Caleb started to give himself the extra boost that he needed to win. “You can cry when it’s over, you can cry when it’s over.” One day, Caleb will make a fantastic little league coach, and by fantastic I mean the kind who takes it way too seriously and ends up making everyone cry (including himself). But wait gosh darn it, what’s a cricket doing in Nicole’s lane? No seriously, why is there a cricket in her lane and why is it distracting her more than necessary? Nice sound effects though CBS; it felt like the cricket was right there annoying me, too! The cricket was such a nuisance to Nicole that she decided to basically stop trying at one point and tell Christine where the slushier ice was in her pool, a.k.a. a little advice to her home girl who betrayed her already once and is literally in the middle of trying to do the same thing again. But after more than two hours, Caleb’s technique of #BeastModeSlowandSteady won and he became the next HOH/aged 60 years at the same time. “I’m pretty beaten up” Caleb says, after being carried into the diary room like he had just come off the literal battlefield.
At the end of the competition, word quickly spread that Nicole had tried to help Christine in the competition. “OMG I WAS RIGHT! I’M ALWAYS RIGHT! YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LISTEN TO ME! MAMMA MIA BANG BANG!!” Frankie probably said in his head after last week he had (unsuccessfully) tried to convince the rest of The Bomb Squad that Nicole and Christine were working together again. (Again? Were they ever actually working together though?) So when Christine goes to take a shower and asks Nicole to pretty much catch her if she falls (literally), Derrick spins it his own way to Frankie, who instantly becomes more paranoid about the whole situation. (Holla!) He also takes that frustrated energy to finally launch his attack and dislike on Donny and Team America while forging new plans ahead. “You’re gonna learn to love us,” he says à la Jennifer Hudson directly into the camera.
NEXT: ”She’s intimated by big, good-looking guys”