Justin Kirkland
June 23, 2016 AT 05:05 PM EDT

Just as the echo of poker chips and Vanessa’s word hitting the floor has stopped echoing through our minds, we’re here again: It’s time for another Big Brother season. I’m Justin, and I’ll be recapping most of Sunday’s episodes — but because this is Big Brother, you should always expect a twist, which is why I’m here on premiere night, serving up the summer vacation plans of 12 16 excited houseguests.

Last season was, in a word, exhausting. Watching Vanessa mosey through week to week, mowing down her pajama-clad competition, only to have Thing 1 and Super Brains make it to the final two… It was a lot to process, but we’ve had nearly nine months to let it all settle. Join me in letting it go. Let go of Vanessa’s pipe dream of winning, Shelli’s pipe dream of a Clay/Shelli marriage, and Austin’s pipe dream of getting his shoes back. We’re here in the now with our blessed leader, Julie Chen, welcoming in a new season of showmances, alliances, a “Summer Vacation” theme, and of course, unexpected twists.

Oh, and don’t you fret — the unexpected twists are abound! Three in the first night alone, in fact. Some are easy to spot through spoilers, or as Bronte might say, “math.” But hopefully, some of them are new little nuggets to shake up a game that has always relied so heavily on the unexpected. What we can all rest easy on, though, is that it appears none of the twists are Battle of the Block. Like an old boyfriend your friends pretended to support but would never invite to brunch, Battle of the Block seems to have officially left the Big Brother building. But let’s not focus on the past or even “math” — let’s focus on our 12 houseguests!

RELATED: Big Brother Season 18: Meet the 12 New Houseguests

Paul: A clothing designer from California who admittedly hates people who think they know a lot, which as we know in Big Brother speak, means he thinks he knows a lot. He has a powerful beard and lots of tattoos, and he’s ~different~.

Victor: Victor is a gym manager, which on the surface says a lot, but let’s not focus on the kind of stereotypes that got us into trouble back in season 15. I’m going to keep an open mind for our Puerto Rican Sensation. That title doesn’t quite roll off the tongue just yet, but I’m down to play Victor’s game for a while.

Corey: A baseball coach from Dallas, Corey doesn’t seem like one to make a lot of waves. Actually, he strikes me as a solid showmance for someone who is going to be a good player. Sounds a lot like Nicole back in season 16, right? YOU AGREE? Keep reading. He’s already been busted for some not-so-nice comments outside the house, but we gotta hope for the best, right?

Paulie: Bearing one of the most New Jersey names that could ever exist (sorry, New Jersey, I’ve heard your cows are phenomenal), Paulie is the brother of Cody Calafiore, or as you might know him, that guy Derek took to the end of season 16. He’s bound to make out with someone and win a solid number of competitions, but I’m not ready to make any more predictions past that.

Bronte: So, Bronte means well. I think. She’s a student and aspiring mathematician who hopes to use her STEM background to win, but I think her super-high-pitched voice and assumed ditziness may get in the way of those ambitions. She also references her name as in Brontosaurus, making me super resentful my parents didn’t name me after a dinosaur.

Bridgette: A California travel nurse, I get real Meg-like vibes from Bridgette. She seems to be fun and rowdy, but it’s the premiere, so who isn’t fun and rowdy?

WANT MORE? Keep up with all the latest from last night’s television by subscribing to our newsletter. Head here for more details.

Zakiyah: I love when tropes take a crazy turn and end up being the inside-flatout version of itself — that’s Zakiyah, a Southern belle with an attitude, a Mossy Oak shirt, and a shotgun on her shoulder. A strange hybrid of Aaryn, Da’Vonne, and James, Zakiyah will hopefully be around for a while.

Jozea: Flat-bill hat-wearing makeup artist Jozea was asked to describe himself with three adjectives, to which he replied, “Funny, outgoing, creative strategist, and a visual genius,” which is literally four adjectives, two nouns, and a conjunction, so he has no intention of playing by the rules.

NEXT: Out with the old, in… NO, out with the old

( 1 of 3 )

You May Like

Comments

EDIT POST