Image Credit: Douglas Gorenstein/NBC
Dalton Ross
March 21, 2011 AT 06:00 AM EDT

Gary Busey has his own language. I’m not referring to his constant stream of crazy talk. I’m talking about his own entire language! And in Busey speak, every word is merely an acronym for its own definition. For instance, you may have thought the word “lucky” meant occurring by chance. But you would be sadly mistaken, you unenlightened piece of illiterate trash! You see, you are now reading from the book of Busey. You must unlearn what you have learned. Lucky actually means “Living Under Correct Knowledge Yearly.” A duhhhhhhhhhh! And “freedom”? You probably assumed that meant the power to act or speak without restraints. Wrong! Freedom is “Facing Real Exciting Energy Developing Out Miracles.” It’s simple Busey 101, people. Get with the program! Or should I say get with the “team”, because “Together Everyone Achieves More.”

Once you’re fluent in Busey speak, it becomes abundantly clear that we are talking about a real “Lifestyle Under No Absolute True Insecurity Complex.” Seriously, make no mistake about it — Gary Busey is truly “Instant Nobility So Anyone Nods Encouragement.” Got it? Good. Because I just spent 20 minutes composing those last few sentences and I can’t freakin’ take it anymore. Let’s move right along to what we’ve all been waiting for — The Five Celebrity Apprentice Absurdities of the week

1. What the %#&@ is Gary Busey talking about?

We’ve already established that Gary Busey has his own language. Apparently, that language also includes lots of nonsensical double speak meant to confuse and disorient the enemy. After being told by Meat Loaf — or “Meat” as he’s known to friends and family — that he loses focus, Gary came back with this delectable gem: “Don’t tell me what I’m not doing when I’m doing what you don’t think I’m doing.” There are so many things out of place with this reply that I honestly don’t know how or where to begin.

However my confusion paled in comparison to that of the Camping World CEO after Busey was named Project Manager of a task in which the teams were told to create RV displays in the middle of New York City. Breaking from the pack and approaching the CEO, Busey extended his hand as well as a few nuggets of Busey wisdom. “Now I know nothing is free,” he began, “but my heart to your heart is free.” Obviously rattled, all the CEO could manage back as an “okay.” “You hear that?” Busey pressed. “I heard it,” quivered the CEO, clearly wanting to find the closest RV possible in which to go and hide.

Later, while shopping at a Camping World outlet store for items to stock the RV with, Busey pulled out some walkie-talkies. John Rich wasn’t sure they were needed. “I think they should be used to be looked at to be usable,” explained Busey. Oh, well, of course then! That makes perfect sense. Let’s get two!

NEXT: Who loves Star Jones? Star Jones!

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