I know you’re expecting me to start this week’s Celebrity Apprentice recap with a blow-by-blow account of NeNe’s verbal beatdown of Star Jones, but let’s be honest, if I did that we’d be here all day. All week, in fact.. The whole thing just went on forever. So before I bring my “street game” I want to get to the most nonsensically wonderful aspect of the episode — yes, even more nonsensical than Meat Loaf trying to turn his team’s presentation into a Village People concert. I’m referring, of course, to the return of La Toya Jackson. People, let me just break it down: This was Celebrity Apprentice at its finest, because as far as I’m concerned, the more illogical this show is, the better. And there is zero logic in the world to justify allowing La Toya Jackson back onto this program. ZERO!
I don’t know which part of the La Toya-Donald summit I savored more. Was it when La Toya showed up in Trump’s office saying she couldn’t figure out why she was fired because there were “no grounds at that time”? (How about sucking for 7 straight challenges?) Or was it when Trump laid the obvious groundwork for her return by saying the problem was that La Toya could not make her case in the Boardroom because of her laryngitis? (As if she had a scintillating argument on the tip of her tongue that simply couldn’t be heard.) And don’t forget when La Toya said — in what may just be the best quote of the entire season — ”“Forget all the idiotic things. Put that aside. Let’s discuss me.” (Let’s discuss me! How brilliant is that?)
“It’s a very interesting proposal,” responded The Donald. In fact, there was nothing interesting at all about it. Yet later, after Trump had La Toya strut into the Boardroom, he announced that, “La Toya came to my office. She made a very strong case as to why she should come back. And I respected that. So La Toya, congratulations. You’re back. ” Let’s examine that allegedly “strong case” that La Toya presented. Here’s exactly what she said — after, of course, forgetting all the idiotic things: “I want to come back. I want to come back because I want to show my strength. I want to prove my ability. Let me come back. Let me be with the guys. Let me show you.” Wow, do we have a debate team champion on our hands, or what? In fact, I would go so far as to call that one of the worst arguments I have ever heard in my life. Nowhere did she list any accomplishments whatsoever. Nowhere did she rattle off reasons for why her firing was unjust. Her entire plea was based around the fact that she simply wanted to come back. Hey, who doesn’t?
So, in essence, by proving what a terrible businesswoman she is by being completely incapable of selling herself and her accomplishments, La Toya somehow ends up back in the game! The irony is just too delicious for words. You know what I say? Why stop at La Toya? Let’s invite Busey back! Richard Hatch too (if we can get him out of jail). And why stop at this season? Remember when Darryl Strawberry kept falling asleep during tasks last year? Get that guy in here! Rob Blagojevich? He may not be able to use a cell phone, but guess what? Rehired! Omarosa? So what if she’s completely ineffectual. Sign her back up! Hell, if poor Matt ever gets off Survivor’s Redemption Island we can bring him in too. It’s all the same damn thing anyway. The ultimate silver lining to this approach: CELEBRITY APPRENTICE WILL NEVER END! We can just put it on a continuous loop for the rest of time. It will become like the Hydra dragon: Every time one person is fired, two are immediately rehired! I don’t know about you, but I’m not complaining. And nor will I will complain about the Five Most Awesomely Absurd Celebrity Apprentice Moments of The Week!
NEXT: The freak out that never ends