It’s not an episode of Dallas until someone has sex on a desk, someone is offered a bribe, and someone is shot. Let’s dig in.
We opened with Christopher and a reluctant Rebecca playing a detective Pamela’s threatening voicemail to Tommy. When the detective pulled out the form for Rebecca to sign to release Tommy’s dental records, there was no doubt he took this seriously.
Ann began her hour of tears when Bobby returned home to tell her that Emma had never been kidnapped. Ann didn’t want to go to the police station and talk to Emma the next day, she just wanted to give up, but Bobby insisted.
Across town, there was another disagreement: John Ross woke up shirtless at Pamela’s, and after he pulled her back into bed, they couldn’t agree on who got to be on top. He won. Actually, we ALL won with that scene.
Over at the police station, Judith Light returned as Harris’ mother. She has the venomous tone of this show down. She told Ann she was nothing more than an egg donor for Harris, and she was never worthy of being his wife. “There was only one woman good enough for that job, isn’t there? Too bad it’s a crime to marry your son,” Ann said. Ouch! Mama lunged at Ann, possibly because of the incest implication and possibly because of the mixed tenses. Bobby had to separate them. Did you see the way Judith dropped her jaw, like she was going to enjoy getting into this with Bobby. Bobby told Ann that Mama wasn’t worth it, and she should go talk to Emma. “The minute Harris is in prison, I am comin’ for you,” Bobby told Mama. “Oh dear, that’s so sweet. But you’re not my type,” Mama answered. NICE.
I am so over Emma, so allow me to keep this brief. Ann sat alone with her in an interrogation room and explained that yes, she’d been a mess after Emma was born and turned to tranquilizers to dull the pain. But she never stopped looking for her. Emma thought Ann had recovered rather nicely at Southfork, so Anna brought out her memory box to show Emma the items of hers she’d kept. Emma got a bit emotional, but she’s not budging.
John Ross went to see J.R., who was getting help from a hot female member of a nondescript geek squad with his new tablet. J.R. said she was going to teach him all he needs to know to erase the cloud drive on which Bobby keeps all his dirt on his brother. J.R. using a tablet to read Sue Ellen’s loan agreement with Elena was priceless. Did you ever think you’d see J.R. Ewing using one of these devices? Amazing. He found a clause that said if Elena defaults on the loan, Sue Ellen can take all of her shares in Ewing Energies. John Ross still didn’t understand how they were going to convince Sue Ellen to play the bad guy and take the shares. “Son, that girl stomped all over your heart like a Brahman bull goin’ after a rodeo clown,” J.R. said. “You use those puppy dog eyes you got from me, and that’s gonna bring out the mama bear in Sue Ellen.” Fair enough.
On his way out, John Ross ran into Christopher, Elena, and her mother in the kitchen as they were talking about Rebecca getting back on the stand – and how it could mean a church wedding after all. John Ross told Christopher he needs to ask him soon if he wants him to be his best man because he books quickly. Christopher said he was gonna ask him, but he assumes John Ross will be busy that day… trying to screw him over. Down, boys. Elena’s big brother Drew arrived at that moment, and it’s clear they’re not exactly close even though their mother wants them to be.
John Ross went to see Sue Ellen as she was losing yet another donor after her public disgrace. I do love him in a suit. He told Sue Ellen that it might be for the best if the foundation doesn’t turn around: He wants her to start building her own empire and begin by getting paid on the Henderson oil deal she made with Elena. She said she was told Elena hit a salt dome, and it’s nearly impossible to get to the oil. That means it’s not impossible, John Ross translated, and Elena is just too busy with her shares at Ewing Energies to deal with it. Sue Ellen saw through his sudden interest in her dealings with Elena: “Vengeance won’t heal a broken heart,” she said. But then, John Ross turned on those puppy dog eyes and said Elena and Christopher enjoy watching him witness every moment of their rekindled love. He said that Elena played him like a fool, and he didn’t want to see her do the same to Sue Ellen. “I was married to your father for 17 years, I think I’d know when I’m being played,” she said. “But maybe it’s time to show that girl exactly who she’s dealing with.” So, no, Sue Ellen, you can’t tell when you’re being fooled.
NEXT: Frank snarls a lot