Alas, it’s sometimes true. On Tuesday’s season 13, week 4 results show of Dancing With the Stars, Chynna Phillips headed home to a life barely worth living: A life without Len. Chynna and Tony Dovolani, the week 1 leaders, were shot in the foot Monday night — not by the prop gun in Chynna’s spangly secret agent thigh holster, but by the fact that she “just blanked” on the steps of their Mission: Impossible tango. “Blackouts have happened to all of us,” Tony assured the disappointed crowd at the end of the results show. “But she finished the routine and she listened to me. It was cool!” Aw, Tony and his blinding white teeth and endless positivity can truly make any situation better.
Sure, Nancy Grace and Chaz Bono and Carson Kressley are technically worse dancers than Chynna. But Chynna’s the one who messed up on Monday. It doesn’t mean that everyone who voted for everyone else is stupid. It just means that for some reason, people weren’t inspired enough by the promise of Chynna’s future performances to “get on the horn” for her. (About once a season I end up quoting temporary DWTS host Drew Lachey on this horn business, and I really have no idea why.) It’s not like there’s a conspiracy at play, unless you count Brooke’s recent and puzzling agenda to substitute lingerie for eveningwear. Perhaps the black bows-on-pink base motif were intended to support whatever message was behind Carson and Anna’s pink pirate flag. Mystery solved!
I was glad Raphael Saadiq’s rendition of “Soul Man” continued the “let’s all focus on band instruments and the lovely people who play them” theme from Monday’s Movie Scores Night. The illusion of trombones dancing on the ballroom floor — and the technicolor staircase — was almost as thrilling as Carrie Ann booty-shaking at a 90-degree angle away from the other judges. Then came the “worldwide planetary exclusive performance” (eventually the writers are just going to have to call the DWTS planet by its proper name, Mirrorballus, and I can’t wait) of Susan Boyle’s “Enchanted Melody.” D’oh! Peta and Val were beautiful here, barely draped in sheer blue fabric as they flowed into the open arms of the underwater wizard who lives at the bottom of the magical sea.
NEXT: Julianne Hough returns, and Annie’s Top Seh-vehhhhhhhn! Moments of the Results Show