Annie Barrett
May 09, 2012 AT 08:21 AM EDT

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status
In Season

Six pairs of dancers willingly entered into sexy ballroom threesomes on Monday’s Week 8 performance show — but only four of them survived Tuesday’s double-elimination results show. Roshon Fegan and Chelsie Hightower and Melissa Gilbert and Maksim Chmerkovskiy all headed home this week. Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas, who joined Melissa and Maks “in jeopardy,” were not necessarily in the bottom three.

Roshon the plucky Disney kid (“Weakness: Weak” according to the panel of experts at Dance Center) had to leave within the first 30 minutes with zero fanfare, but birthday girl Melissa got the regular end-of-episode treatment. She deserved to go out on a high note after her two most confident dances of the season. Did anyone else sprout a tear when they zoomed in on Melissa’s teenage son with his head in his hands? “I told you, I told you,” a voice taunted him. “I know!” he said. We all knew. These eliminations were no surprise — and the season 14 final four couples are fierce.

I’d say Melissa got a pretty decent birthday gift in this get-out-of-hell-free card, but she took the high road and worshiped her partner for the last time, calling Maks “an incredible teacher and friend.” “To me, she is the comeback kid,” Maks offered up. “I’m very honored to have met you and to have spent this time together.” Well! For all their rehearsal studio drama, this was a really sweet and satisfying ending that could have just as easily been summed up by a single string of Swarovski crystals with an exclamation point at the end.

“We really don’t get to speak or say anything. We get to be montaged and that kind of sucks — Val and I are not one-line type of people. My thoughts are complicated paragraphs and they run in sentences,” Maks told EW after the show. “I didn’t know how to give you a short soundbite, so I don’t know. I wish something could be done about this but again it’s not my show.”

I wonder what Brother Val thinks of all this?

To be fair, this was taken out of context — Val was reacting to the judges’ low scores for Derek and Maria’s Bollywood routine. With Val’s blurry mouth, Maks and Melissa’s  f—ing rehearsal footage, and Tom Bergeron’s jaunty reminder to Cheryl to not **** it up, this was by far the most swear-heavy week in recent memory. I love that! Does anyone have a cigarette? But I’ll say it again: I think the graphics department is missing a great opportunity by not replacing these rampant asterisks with diamonds.

NEXT: Dance Center and the Top 7 (“seh-vehhhhhn!”) moments of the results show

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