New slogan? Dancing With the Stars: A long way from sleeping in Wendy Williams’ car. Hmm. Nope, I still prefer Margaret Cho’s summation of the series as “the gayest thing that ever happened.” The ballroom has yet to prove her wrong!
Last night’s assignment: Pick songs relevant to your life and tell a personal story through THE MAGIC OF THE BALLROOM. Did I sound like Tom there? No. Basically it was rumba night, but instead of being all about sex, it was about dead relatives. I wonder if we’ll have a do-over rumba night (“WHERE THE BALLROOM MEETS THE BEDROOM”) or maybe a theme week just called Happy Thoughts, to make up for such a grim show. But at the same time, the week 3 performance night was an amazing chunk of television. Sometimes I didn’t think the raging smoke machine could keep up with the steady stream of tears. And Maks fell! Talk about burying the lead. What an ass. What a night. Let’s do this, shall we?
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann Inahhhh-ber!
Petra Nemcova and Dmitry Chaplin: 25 out of possible 30 Was anyone else just as mesmerized by the free-flowing ribbons in Petra’s hair as much as by their waltz or the general hotness of Dmitry? I’m not sure ribbons have ever factored into the overall look so prominently as they did here. The combined powers of ribbons, the pair’s chiseled Eastern European faces, and Dmitry’s white pants (!) stunned Len into submission and he gave them the first 9 of the season. Petra was gorgeous here – after struggling with a nonexistent neck during rehearsals, she managed to lean her head back into that nearly impossible position that I know to be correct but looks to me like mild torture. Good for her! She’s also the sweetest person in the world, or at least on Planet Mirrorballus. Check out the Happy Hearts Fund for more on this developing story.
Hines Ward and Kym Johnson: 25/30 I could just use Bruno’s critique as my entire paragraph here: “Bouncy, shaky butt. Happy hour!” Indeed, the yellow-and-black samba dedicated to his hardworking Korean mother was a triumph for our dear Hindquarters Ward. I loved that he chose Earth, Wind and Fire’s “Fantasy,” but most of all I loved that he decided to go with something more upbeat during a show full of downers. (The relative receiving the tribute is still alive; maybe that’s why he took the liberty. Death in the family – gotta go rumba!) I’d like to note that Kym is just going all out with the ’80s practice-wear this season, as if in some sort of homage to Olivia Newton-John. Hafta believe it is magic…nothing can stand in their way. Hindquarters also dared to dream big in his own fashion, donning a terrible towel-tail to bring out the yellow in Kym’s outfit and the snazzy trim on his own black vest. (American Idol fans: Think he was trying to channel the pyro power of the Durbs?)
NEXT: The vengeful fog machine nearly boils a Playboy bunny alive