Surprise! Despite a strong grasp of ballroom dance technique and…that’s about it, Audrina “My Boobs Are in the Way” Patridge went home last night. She just couldn’t perform. During confessional footage from Monday night, her partner, Tony “I Waxed My Legs For This?” Dovolani, reassured her in a very Louis Van Intensité tone of voice that she had not let him down. “You didn’t just complete it. You danced your ass off for me. You danced your heart out.” I got my first Audrina-related chills of the season! And in a moment, she was gone.
Kyle Massey and Jennifer Grey were also announced as “in jeopardy.” Rock and Roll Week’s lowest-scoring dancer, Kurt Warner was the first to be named safe, with little fanfare, and then Tom Bergeron hushed the Sparkalien crowd with a stern “Listen up, everybody…” so he could have complete dramatic silence before announcing that Bristol Palin was also safe. Bristol even got the encore dance. What? Wha happened?
During our weekly Q&A, Derek waxed poetic about the dreaded but ultimately meaningless distinction of being named “in jeopardy.” Explained Derek, “That red light is like the warming light at a diner. You hope that something good comes out of it, but you never really know.” Don’t worry, you guys — my next question for Derek will totally be “What the hell have you been ordering at diners?”
I loved that the musical acts for Rock Week were so female-heavy! We finally got a Tuesday exhibition from Our Pros, set to Heart’s “Barracuda.” I suffered a bit of secondhand whiplash from leaning too far “into”* my TV (*I wish) in an attempt to figure out who was dancing with Damian. It was his girlfriend, Peta Murgatroyd. Sadly, I couldn’t take as much pride in a successful Google search on this one because she wasn’t Russian. Vowels in the surname just make it too easy.
NEXT: It’s reigning Minogue, and Alice Cooper unleashes his inner Sparkalien!