“No good deed goes unpunished.”
Mary Alice ended last night’s episode of Desperate Housewives with that familiar — and haunting — phrase, and all I could think was: Ain’t that the truth? Despite all the rage that Susan usually inspires in me, I found it more than a tad-bit sad to watch her get so screwed there at the outset of the hour. The poor woman spent the last few weeks of her life dedicated to nursing the wretched Paul Young back to health, and then — after she suggested that maybe he wasn’t getting better because he still lived in the home he shared with his dearly departed wife Beth — he kicked her to the curb. Her face, while she was standing out in his yard, was heartbreaking. But why’d Paul reject her so? Well, it seems he took Susan’s innocent suggestion that he move as a play for her to return to the house she was renting to him. Whoops on her part.
But all that, really, was just the sideshow to what was really going on under the surface of the rather new Susan-Paul-Felicia triangle: Felicia was slowly poisoning Paul via Susan’s food-delivering good deeds. Every time Susan whipped up a new dish to drop by Paul’s, or whenever Susan went to the grocery store to pick up supplies for Paul, Felicia was there, syringe in hand, ready to fill up whatever the grieving widower would be consuming with her special, poisonous substance. And yes, there it is, Felicia had decided to take out her nemesis in that patented way that’s a staple of the Lifetime Original Movie — with antifreeze.
It’s not a shocking twist, really: We already knew that Felicia had designs on killing Paul…and slowly. “What did I tell you dear?” the ever-crazy Felicia said to the ashy remains of her dead daughter about her plan of slow death for Paul. “It’s so much better than a bullet.” Then she added: “He’ll think it’s his heart. As if he has one.” And so, the antifreeze really did begin working: “He just keeps getting worse and worse,” Susan told Felicia. It was just seconds after Paul kicked Susan out of his (her?) house, in fact, that the antifreeze really seemed to kick in, though, as Paul fell to the floor, unable to get to the phone to call for help.
Will he die? Probably not. At least not yet — we’ve got to have something to save for that big, two-hour finale on May 15, right? But in between, it seems very likely that Susan may be fingered for poisoning Paul, even if her only real motive would be so that she could move back into her old house. Renee said it best when Susan told the gals about Felicia being back on the street: “And people say the suburbs are boring?” Despite the fact that it’s not the most original story ever, Felicia Tillman certainly isn’t letting things get boring over on Wisteria Lane as this season draws to a close.
NEXT: Carlos makes Gaby choose between him and Bree!