Dany wants help winning the Iron Throne. “Perhaps you should try wanting something else,” Tyrion dryly comments, noting that she could just stay in Meereen for the rest of her rule (prompting every viewer to cry, “Noooo!“). Throughout their chat, Tyrion keeps being put in the position of having to defend folks like Varys and Jaime. It’s like he’s applying for a job and all his references have attempted to murder his would-be boss.
Dany explains her intention to “break the wheel” of tyrannical Westeros family rule (if successful, she could add another title to her list — The Breaker of Wheels). Needless to say, both are pretty impressed by the other. We often have characters cross paths on Thrones and its refreshing to have two that we both like who also like each other (rather than, say, all the Stark girls dissing poor Brienne). Dany decides to bring Tyrion onto her staff, and it feels like the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Meanwhile, Ser Jorah the Doubly Banished sees his greyscale has progressed. He decides to sell himself to the fighting pits. He figures he’ll die in a blaze of gladiatorial glory at the opening ceremonies in Dany’s honor. Live by the friend zone, die by the friend zone!
Braavos: Arya gets her first assignment. She’s to become Lana the Oyster Girl, a crab and cockle merchant. She must memorize details of her new identity and gets smacked with the stick every time she gets something wrong. I like the simplicity of this school—there’s no report cards, no grades, everything you do just earns a Smack or No Smack.
She goes out into the docks with her oyster cart, looking a lot like that Westeros fugitive Arya Stark. If only there were some way for her to disguise herself so nobody could recognize her. But it’s not like the House of Black and White has a towering room full of magic masks she could use to to hide her identity that we just saw last week or anything. No, it’s far more important she knows which alley to turn on. At least Arya gets another costume change (two costumes changes in one year, she’s becoming a regular Lady Gaga).
Arya goes to the docks to gather intel on her target, this guy running an insurance scam on sea captains. We do not know if Arya got to eat some oysters, but we hope she did.
When Jaqen H’ghar tells her Arya she’s going to get to kill the gambler, a girl looks even more happy than when Sansa finds out later that her brothers are still alive. All the Stark sisters getting good news this week.
King’s Landing: Cersei is in a dungeon with only her anger to keep her warm. Her schemes have backfired spectacularly. She now looks as miserable as Margaery. I sort of wish, given the potential entertainment value, that the High Sparrow had put them in the same cell.
Her creepy Dr. Frankenstein arrives to give her an update. She’s going to be put on trial for “fornication, treason, incest, and the murder of King Robert,” which sounds about right. He advises her to confess. She’s most disturbed by the fact that Tommen has locked himself in his room, depressed, as he’s going through withdrawl of both boobs and mom. It’s pretty sad that sweet Tommen is actually even worse of a king than Joffrey, who would be using every ounce of his power to have the High Sparrow’s head on a spike.