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The Great Convergence—and Divergence—has begun! This week’s Game of Thrones jammed two sets of characters together for the first time, while taking a shocking turn from George R.R. Martin’s novels. Plus, Arya ditched her clothes, Tommen ditched his virginity, Littlefinger ditched Sansa, Tyrion ditched his freedom, and Jon ditched a man’s head. All this plus prostitute cosplay (!) in our worship of the third episode of season 5, “High Sparrow.”
Braavos: Behold the inside of The House of Black and White! Thrones shows off this fancy new set with several shots so we can appreciate all the production detail. The House has the ambience of a gloomy spa’s quiet room, where you would sit in a bathrobe sipping cucumber water waiting for your therapist.
Arya grumpily sweeps the stone floor with what looks like a Nimbus 2000. She’s unimpressed with the set and annoyed with her janitorial duties. Jaqen H’ghar gives a desperate man a cup of water, then chastises Arya for her impatience: “A girl wants to serve herself.”
The man who drank the House’s water is soon dead on the floor. No deep-tissue shiatsu for him.
King’s Landing: Cersei is carried on a litter while peasants cry out for Queen Margaery. In the Sept, she then has a front-row seat to watch her teenage son Tommen marry “that smirking whore from Highgarden.” Tommen looks at his new bride like she’s a present he can’t wait to unwrap. When they kiss, Cersei claps for the newlywed couple like somebody is yanking on strings attached to her hands. The wedding ceremony is brief and over quickly. Oddly, no one dies.
Later, in bed with his new bride, Tommen is concerned. “Did I hurt you?” he asks Margaery about his brief lovemaking. She looks amused, like, Kid, you’re going to have to do a lot more than that to wear me out. Perhaps Tommen should have kept Podrick around for some pointers. Tommen politely offers her traditional post-sex treats such as cake and pomegranate juice. “This is all I want to do, all day, every day, for the rest of my life!” Tommen declares.
He asks his wife if it feels strange for her to be called Queen Margaery. She says it does (because it’s her third time becoming “queen” it’s probably very strange indeed). Now in theory, Margaery should be a virgin—neither Renly nor Joffrey consummated. Yet everything about Dormer’s performance suggests her character is experienced in such matters. She also finds Tommen hilariously easy to charm:
Tommen: “Do you like to sail?!”
Margaery: “I love to sail.”
Tommen: “I do, too!”
Margaery smiles at Tommen, looking forward to years and years of getting everything she wants.