Saeed Adyani/Netflix
Kelli Bamforth
November 26, 2016 AT 07:06 PM EST

PREVIOUS: Episode 3, “Summer”

I’ve been Gilmored. Thoroughly, exhaustively, perfectly Gilmored. I thought I knew how I was going to begin my recap of “Fall,” the conclusion to Gilmore Girls’ long-awaited four-part Netflix revival. I was deciding between summarizing Lorelai’s beautiful story about spending her 13th birthday with her father (RIP, Richard) or discussing Emily’s delightfully expanded vocabulary (I mean, she said “tits,” guys!). I even considered starting an investigation into whether the original series had given any clues about Luke’s supposed friendship with Kiefer Sutherland (that we just now heard about).

Either way, I felt pretty sure what my first words would be. But nope, I’m completely clueless, because those infamous Final Four Words effectively rendered me speechless. Like I said, I’ve been Gilmored. So, let’s just jump right into “Fall,” shall we? Because at this point, I really don’t know what else to do, and besides… Oy with the poodles already!

After the reveal in the final moments of “Summer” — when Lorelai announces to Luke she’s taking off for a few weeks to “do Wild” — we open on Lorelai in her hotel room, surveying the soon-to-be contents of her backpack and struggling to fit the necessities inside. She takes a quick break to leave a babbling voicemail for Luke and to catch an episode or two of Snapped on TV. Though Lorelai hasn’t quite moved on to murder yet, this was definitely a thinly-veiled attempt at demonstrating just how broken she’s feeling right now. Every Gilmore Girl fan knows Lorelai and Rory always ate terribly and never exercised — how they managed to stay thin, I’ll never know — and yet Lorelai is all of a sudden going to hike a portion of the Pacific Crest Trail? Please.

She wakes up the next morning to head out, only to be dissuaded from starting the hike by a park ranger portrayed by none other than Parenthood’s Jason Ritter (he played Mark Cyr, boyfriend to Sarah Braverman, alter ego of Lorelai/Lauren Graham).

Meanwhile, Rory’s unlocking the door to The Stars Hollow Gazette office, where she updates employees Esther and Joe (I think that’s his name) on plans for the next edition. Surprise — they’re going with a fall poem on the front cover! When she cues up her ancient computer, the words “Get Ready” appear on the screen; a few moments later, she sees “Kick up a rumpus” on a sign taped to Kirk’s pet pig as he runs down the street. (Um, is Rory hallucinating right now? Are “I’m going to die” going to be the final four words?)

RELATED VIDEO: The Cast of Gilmore Girls Discuss the Infamous Four Final Words of the Series

Jess pays a visit to an obviously flustered and confused Luke at his eerily quiet diner. (Every patron is busy on their computer.) Luke emerges from the back, completely covered in flour after breaking a bag of the pantry staple. Jess makes his uncle sit down for a break and asks him what’s going on. Luke tells his nephew about Lorelai leaving to do Wild and seeing a therapist before finally admitting he’s scared of losing her. Before Jess takes his own leave of Luke’s Diner, he rips out the Wi-Fi router and the customers scatter, with one mumbling “When are they gonna get a Starbucks?” If you’re talking about Stars Hollow, guy, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

We’re back to Lorelai, where the Wild-inspired hikers have broken off into groups depending on whether they read the book or watched the movie. I’m a tad surprised Lorelai’s part of the book group, to be honest, but c’est la vie. The movie chicks are watching Wild on a laptop (obviously) and the book ladies partake in some box wine and try to guess why Lorelai is about to embark on this journey. She’s not married or getting divorced, nor is she hooked on heroin or Vicodin. She’s mostly stuck standing still, she confesses, before saying “Boy, we’re gonna need another box.”

NEXT: “You jump, I jump, Jack”

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