If you are dealing with friends who are pestering you about why you still watch Glee, I implore you to not mention tonight’s episode for fear of revealing the truth that I have tried to hard to mask: that it is exactly what they’re afraid it is. If you’ve defended the lovably crackers series through the years, I particularly encourage you not to bring up “Christmas Don’t Be Late,” in which Rachel, Kurt, and Santana inhale helium and channel Alvin and the Chipmunks in a truly horrifying display.
After last week’s puppet catastrophe — a veritable Titanic of felt, a Hindenburg of googly eyes in which Blaine further proved that he is systematically going more and more insane with each passing day at McKinley — we return to a staple of Glee: the holiday episode.
Tonight’s title is “Previously Unaired Christmas,” and the shtick is that this is a re-edited cut of a 2012 holiday episode that was reportedly so offensive it never aired. Considering that it’s around springtime on the show (or, at least I think it is?), it also seems like a thinly-veiled way to sneak in a Christmas episode into this season. But who’s not complaining? THIS JEW! I love me some holiday cheer, from Claymation reindeer to Vince Guaraldi instrumentals to Mariah Carey reminding us that no riff has too many syllables. Anyway, Glee.
First, we must time-warp back to the alternate universe of Lima in December 2012, a magical month in which Kate Middleton was pregnant and Pope Benedict XVI was tweeting. In the Glee timeline, Principal Figgins is still in charge, Jake and Marley are flirting, Santana has just broken up with Brittany (‘memba her?) and Blaine was still somewhat in control of his own faculties. And that’s what you missed, on GLEE!
NEXT: “Hold it right there, sluts!”