Tim Stack
October 14, 2008 AT 04:00 AM EDT

‘Gossip Girl’ recap: Campus brawl

Time to cast your vote, TV Watchers. There are two choices. Two very different candidates: Blair and Serena. Who do you think won Bitch War 2008? I’ll let you dwell on that and get back to the episode at hand (I’m going to ignore the opening My Fair Lady fantasy. I don’t like when they do these little dream sequences. It feels like a 12:45 a.m. SNL skit.) It’s college visit time and apparently everyone in the Gossip Girl universe now wants to go to Yale. How very Lorelai Gilmore of them all? But didn’t Dan foam at the mouth at the thought of going to Dartmouth? What changed? In any case, the vitriol was in full force on last night’s episode, with Blair in particular saying some fabulously frigid things. Serena’s star seems to be on the rise even higher than last week, with an appearance in Page Six, not to mention Dorota announcing that she heard Marc Jacobs named a purse after her. She has made it! All of the attention has only served to further fuel Blair’s jealousy.

Serena may be the star of the media but Blair is quickly becoming the star of this show. My favorite was when she came clean with Serena and simply told her she would never get into Yale because “You’re not that smart.” In Serena’s defense, though, she was dressed quite intelligently with that fabulous crested blazer. (True confession: My inner monologue upon seeing that blazer went something like this: “I wonder if that comes in men’s sizes?”) Anyways, would Yale really be impressed with the fact that Serena was in a fashion show, especially one as low-rent as Eleanor Waldorf’s? I think the dean was more impressed with Serena’s lack of bra. I loved that outfit but I’m not sure jeans, boots, and a low-cut blouse are the ideal college interview ensemble. Although maybe if I had shown a little cleave, I could have gotten into an Ivy League school. Damn. Hindsight is a bummer.

This is random observation but I’m a little obsessed with Shirley, the dean’s secretary, and all of her porcelain cats. I’ve always felt there should be more porcelain animal figurines on television, and here was my vindication.

Now back to Serena’s boobs. They were once again on display at the dean’s party. I loved that dress but, Serena, this ain’t cocktails at STK. On the opposite end, Blair was dressed like she was doing Our Town. Enough with the frills! The one-upping between Blair and Serena during the party was absolutely hilarious. The capper, though, was Blair changing Serena’s answer to Pete Fairmond, who, as Blair put it, “is the man she killed!” My reaction was something akin to a cackle. The true highlight though was the Dynasty-style catfight the girls had on the porch, complete with Serena yelling, “I hate this headband!” and beating Blair with her own clutch. I only wish there’d been a nearby pool or fountain or even a conveniently situated kiddie pool filled with Jell-O. After their homage to Monday Night Raw, the ladies actually managed to patch things up — mostly because there really wouldn’t be a show without these two talking to each other. Still, it turned out that Serena was the dean’s favorite thanks to her celebrity status. Or perhaps the fact that she didn’t wear an awkward cloche hat to his office the way that Blair did; she looked like she dropped by on her way to the Kentucky Derby.

NEXT: Chuck’s Skull-king around

I’m not sure I believe that half of Yale’s campus would know about the Captain and that whole ensuing scandal. I mean I’m sure the news would have made local headlines, but surely they wouldn’t be aware his son, Nate, would be on campus for a visit. Still, I love that Nate became a big ol’ horndog as soon as he hit the campus and almost immediately landed in that girl’s dorm room. I’m glad that he and Dan became pals by the end of this episode because Humphrey needs to lighten up. Like, literally, the dude only wears brown. That boy needs a little color in his life. Or maybe a Bedazzler. He could Bedazzle one of his boring old brown suits. Seeing him tied up against the statue in his little boxers though was awfully cute.

Chuck was mostly concerned with finding the Skull and Bones society and, from what he was wearing, entrance seems to demand that you dress like Sherlock Holmes. I was just thankful he wasn’t thrust into a horrible murder mystery like the Joshua Jackson flick The Skulls, although the sight of Paul Walker would have brightened my day. While it seemed like he was going through all the motions to get into the club by hiring some escorts, it was actually a quite genius plan to be able to get dirt on and then blackmail these future leaders of America. I thought that was just great. Exactly what one would expect from Chuck Bass. What I didn’t really understand was Nate suddenly being upset with Chuck. Sometimes it feels like these kids just have to get mad at each other for unrealistic reasons so that new relationships can be created. I guess it keeps things interesting.

Going back to van der Woodsen breasts, Lily was also rockin’ some major skin in this episode. She did look amazing in Serena’s party dress, but did anyone else think it was a tad too young for her? In any case, Jenny should frame that dress since it totally helped sway Rufus into letting her pursue her dream of fashion. Also, that’s kind of weird that she designed the dress that made her father’s ex-girlfriend look totally hot. But we did learn that Eric has a “new friend”! Fingers crossed for a cute hairdresser who can tend to Eric’s roots.

The big snooze of the evening was Jenny’s story line. Note to GG producers: Debating whether or not to home school is not exciting. It’s like centering a plot on Rufus deciding what to make for dinner. Also, can we get some backstory as to why Vanessa is living on her own? Maybe she just discovered at a young age that she was born to steam milk and grind coffee beans and that should be her life’s focus.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? Will Dan and Nate continue to be friends? How long before Blair and Serena start pulling each other’s hair again?

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