Was that the finale of Gossip Girl or a fever dream I had brought on my wicked allergies? Holy Alexander Wang!!! That was a lot. I mean there was deception (Hi Charlie), suicide attempts (Hi Charlie), and even celebrity cameos (Hi David O. Russell). And we said goodbye to Vanessa who jetted off to Spain but not before doing (and saying) some truly ridiculous things. My question is: Will we ever see Jenny Humphrey again? I’m guessing not until the series finale. Or until Little J purchases all of the ripped tights and bad hair extensions in Hudson and needs to pay a visit to the island of Manhattan. What will come first?
Vanessa and Serena continued their very brief truce in the effort to find Charlie before she went full-throttle wacko. So apparently Charlie pulled a Single White Female on her last roomie and it did not end well. Hmmm. Who could have predicted that? Oh wait—me. But the best part was that Serena continued to wear an elaborate ball gown throughout all of this drama, despite her trip home. Like she couldn’t quick change into a pair of Current/Elliot jeans and a standard boob-baring blouse?
At the party, Dan just seemed to kind of wander about until he finally ran into Nate who seemed equally lost. Then, they talked about what a big kook Charlie turned out to be. Ah fun times. Ace detective Dan Humphrey finally realized Charlie Crazypants was on the dance floor, doing the Lambada with a dude and a bottle of vodka. Is that really surprising she parties like a drunken Tri Delt? I mean she is from Florida. Also much like a Tri Delt, Charlie turned out to be a mean drunk and shoved Dan out of her way kinda similar to how Teresa Giudice manhandled Andy Cohen at the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion last year.
So Charlie disappeared and we were short one loon but then Georgina showed back up at the Constance party and the balance of Crazytown was restored. Frankly, I missed the bitch. She’s sooooo much fun. I vote for her to become a regular next season or at least come back more often. This show needs more villains. Apparently, Georgina has been living the life of a Stepford wife and is bored out of her mind (her actual words: “I haven’t been this bored since I believed in Jesus.”). She begged to get involved in the search for Charlie but no one wanted her on their team; it was kinda of like me in gym class when they were choosing dodge ball teams. Sniff.
Once they arrived at the party, Vanessa then abruptly left to go look for Charlie and Serena continued to work that awesome dress. She ran into Headmistress Queller (hanging with a cameo-ing Cecily von Ziegesar) who basically told her she was a disappointment although not quite as bluntly. Such a supportive school! Also, when did Serena exhibit such promise? After she accidentally helped that dude overdose? Anyways, Serena finally found Charlie upstairs in one of the reading rooms looking like she was ready to jump out the window. But Serena talked her down, of course. Naturally, after being talked out of suicide, Charlie only wanted to talk further about Serena and wondered whom she would have picked between Nate and Dan. Maybe we should take this girl home and get her medicated instead of playing The Dating Game?!
NEXT: We learn a giant secret about Charlie!