Adam Taylor/ABC
Aly Semigran
October 20, 2011 AT 06:10 AM EDT

For all intents and purposes I should be a Penny. We’re close in age, our love lives are disturbingly similar in many aspects, and I, too, follow the sage advice of Oprah and Jenny McCarthy. But, I can no longer deny it: I am a Max. I would love to be the person with the ah-mah-zing condo (seriously, who needs a vision board when you’ve got those digs?) like Penny, but odds are, like Max, I would probably sleep on a very high quality pool float, eat a lottery ticket or have a secret dog named Mr. Bojangly before that ever happens. The more you know.

But Max, despite being a perpetual blabbermouth who hates cooked green peppers, actually had a pretty productive week. In addition to having his own vision board come true (more on the origins on that in a bit), which included finding a wicker bassinet (pronounced “whisker basket”) in the alley where he gets his teeth whitened, Max was gainfully employed-ish as he continued his in-no-way legal limo business. While driving Brad to work (come for the ride, stay for the killer “Women be stoppin'” comedy routine), Max manages to impress his pal’s new boss Mr. Forristal (The Daily Show‘s Larry Wilmore), a humorless guy who puts a stop to witty office banter (“Shall we dance?” “I hate dancing”) but can’t seem to stop getting food all over his face.

But yes man Brad (who, as we witnessed, can “kick over people’s heads effortlessly”) can’t seem find the courage to tell Mr. Forristal he’s wearing his lunch, and tries desperately to get the unstoppable Mee-yax not to do it. Of course, that’s impossible. As Max so eloquently put it, he’s “Funny and surprising and people are like, ‘There’s Max: Watch what happens,’ then other people are like, ‘Very funny,’ and then other people are like, ‘Characters welcome.'” (Never mind, as Brad pointed out, that those are the tag lines for Bravo, TBS, and USA, because they’re all true.) When Max is summoned by Mr. Forristal to pick him up in his sweet ride, he can’t hold it in any more and alerts him that he’s got mustard all over his face. Mr. Forristal likes Max’s straightforwardness (so much so that he sends him on a breakfast burrito run) but the goodwill ends pretty quickly after Max makes a pass at him. Like I said, all in all, a pretty productive week for Max.

Of course, he wasn’t the only one keeping busy in the gang. Now that couples’ improv is presumably over, Jane busied herself by encouraging Penny to make a vision board after she didn’t get a raise, therefore hindering “The Year of Penny.” (I’d still argue that with that condo, her year is going pretty darn well.) A vision board, as it turns out, is a cardboard collage you make with pictures of what you want in your future. In Penny’s case, that’s reconnecting with some of the women in her life and an old-fashioned gentlemen “who will buy you flowers and dinner and look at you during sex” (or, more specifically, a cute new bartender named Parker.) But despite making a vision board with cutouts from old issues of Redbook, it didn’t work immediately for Penny.

Worried that it would discourage her friend, Jane becomes Penny’s personal vision board, by sending her flowers (from the bike shop/flower shop Petal to the Pedal, no less) from a secret admirer, who Penny believes is her crush Parker. Of course, it all backfires on Jane, who gets caught and can’t live up to the real vision board (instead of two first-class tickets to Greece she gets her one ticket to a first grade class production of Grease 2.) Of course, Penny, forever being her own worst enemy, manages to screw things up all on her own and ditches Parker when she discovers that he, too, has a vision board. And what loon would date someone with a vision board?!

NEXT: The best lines and moments of the episode

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