The Hills: Sheryl Nields
Jennifer Armstrong
February 06, 2007 AT 05:00 AM EST

”The Hills”: Heidi busts Spencer

I almost thought I was watching the wrong show, what with all the signs of sense popping up around our Hills girls: ”I feel like Jason like broke me,” Lauren said, explaining for about the 26th time that she’s not feeling the dating-Brody idea. Then Heidi said she thought it was about time she make amends with Audrina, scoffing, ”What are we, in high school?”

Apparently her obnoxious beau (and the cause of the Audrina rift), Spencer, still is. After Heidi’s coworker Max warned her that she might catch flak for her adorable, though skimpy, white sundress at the office, Spencer totally got in the dude’s face when they showed up for lunch at the same restaurant (startling-coincidence alert #1!). ”Do you have any idea what I’m gonna do to you, bro?” Spencer barked, nearly running poor Max straight into oncoming traffic. This after a lunch full of Spencer doing preemptive damage control on the impending Heidi-Audrina summit, warning Heidi that ”you’ve gotta think about her motives.” (Translation: Don’t believe Audrina when she tells the truth about Spencer macking on her when he was with Heidi.)

The light very, very, very slowly almost started to dawn on Heidi by the time she got through her dinner with Audrina. ”I’m really sick of people saying to me, ‘Watch out for Spencer, watch out for Spencer,’ ” she said at first. But then Audrina told her Spencer had been calling her in the last few weeks, and when she said, ”Be careful with him,” Heidi seemed to actually be giving it some thought.

”I don’t know when I got so jealous,” Heidi then mused as she packed for a trip home to Colorado. This was right after a not-so-subtle request that Lauren do a little bit of spying on Spencer in her spare time that weekend. And then…(startling-coincidence alert #2!) Heidi just kinda accidentally, oops, missed her flight and forgot to tell Spencer about it. (Hello, anyone ever hear of flying standby?) So naturally she showed up unannounced at apparently the only club in Los Angeles, where Spencer was engaged in an exchange utilizing the phrase ”naked picnic” a record number of times with one of three platinum-blond Playmates he and Brody and some other dudes were rolling with that night.

Brody, representing the right way to handle this precarious situation, went immediately to Lauren, hugged her, and said, ”You didn’t crash anybody’s night. If anything, you just made my night.” Spencer, on the other hand, accused Heidi of being sneaky, asked her why she was being rude, and proceeded to carry on with his chosen ‘mate.

Finally, Heidi had had enough, which in this case meant she ended up sprawled on the sofa back home, in sweats and puffy eyed, while Lauren did some first-rate best-friend duty on the phone with Spence. ”I had to pick up the phone like I had to pick up my best friend and carry her up the stairs,” she railed.

Just when I couldn’t handle one more ounce of solid reasonability being displayed, Heidi croaked, ”I was really falling in love with him.” And though I did feel some sympathy for her and, really, everyone in their early 20s, I also felt a sense of relief — as long as Heidi’s around, there will never be too much good judgment on this show.

What do you think? Has Heidi wised up? Is Lauren going to be okay with Brody’s night out with Playmates? And is Spencer starting to scare you?

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