”The Hills”: Heidi confronts Lauren and Jason
Boy, am I glad I’m back this week to discuss The Hills with you, TV Watchers, because this was definitely one of those jaw-dropping, I can’t believe she just said that episodes that we know and love. Last week, I was in Vegas for the now-infamous Britney debacle (a.k.a. the Video Music Awards), and as exciting as it was for me to meet our girls, Lauren, Whitney, and Audrina, I was extremely disappointed Speidi didn’t show up. (You know, because I really wanted to see the so-called engagement ring in person. And maybe tell Beavis, er, Spencer, that we gave him a new name. No such luck though.) But after tonight, I think I’m even more disappointed I didn’t get the chance to meet Elodie.
If I could give Elodie some sort of virtual standing ovation right now I would. Not only were her scowls and eye rolls when Heidi sauntered in to work every morning priceless, but she gave her power-hungry coworker something that was long overdue: a major reality check. Let’s take a minute to relive what happened when Heidi ”I’m Too Big for My Britches” Montag complained about her run-in with Jason and Lauren:
Heidi I just can’t believe she’s talking to her crazy, abusive ex-boyfriend who went to rehab and jail…and she can’t forgive me? It’s like, is she out of her mind? So we try to send them over drinks, to be like, let’s feel out the water, like, you know. So they send them back, so we’re like, okay.
Elodie So what exactly did you do to her that makes her not even want to accept a drink?
Elodie And also, you know, you were also friends with Audrina, and now she doesn’t talk to you anymore.
Heidi [Yup, still speechless.]
Elodie You were friends with Whitney, too! You don’t even know what’s wrong and what’s right anymore. [Wait for it….] It’s so sad.
Heidi [Awkward moment of silence.]
Elodie Well, I’m gonna finish up on this, so…see ya.
Viewers at home [Applause.]
You know, in any other circumstance, I might have agreed with Heidi that her ”promotion” wasn’t personal and Elodie is taking it the wrong way. But because it’s L.A. and because Heidi is on a reality show, we all know the only explanation for it was that it was, in fact, a 100-percent-personal decision. How convenient for Brent Bolthouse to be able to pimp his company every week just by giving Heidi a nice office and a pseudo assistant (we know her as intern Lacey).
Other than checking people in at nightclubs during past seasons, have we ever actually seen Heidi do real work? After all, she does have some innate business skills that hardly seem to be utilized to their full potential. For instance: She knows how to prioritize (she told Lacey, ”The calls that will always get through are Spencer, Brent, Jen…”), knows how to delegate (she gave Lacey the highly important task of transferring her contacts from her old cell phone to a new one. No, this is not a joke. I wish it were, but really? Couldn’t Heidi’s wireless provider have done that for her? Or is she just so busy she didn’t have time to wait?), and most important, she understands the importance of a power suit. (Did she go on a shopping spree at Ann Taylor Loft recently or something? She may think her current wardrobe choices scream ”future CEO,” but to me they just scream, ”I don’t have a college degree, and I’m trying to look like I do!”)
NEXT: Is Jason pulling Lauren back in?