”The Hills” recap: The girls get strong
Call me crazy, but last night's episode of The Hills cheered me — and my feminist attitude — up. Maybe it was Heidi’s long-overdue stand-up to Spencer, or Lauren’s no-bulls— radar, but the girls suddenly revealed unusual strength in dealing with the usual suspects. (Audrina is included in this assessment, since J. Bob’s ghost will always live on the show, bless his soul.)
Lauren finished the episode way ahead, in my book. First, she was more scraggly looking than usual, which is a weird thing to admire. But recently it’s been annoying me that Audrina and Heidi always have perfect makeup, tossing their perfectly blow-dried hair around at all times. Lauren looked very real and worn-out after the girls’ Halloween party, just as someone who might be mildly hungover should. Second, props go out to Lauren for so elegantly describing Audrina’s ascent in the dating world with her new love interest, Corey: ”He returned your calls, which Justin didn’t. He likes to kiss, which Justin didn’t. He bathes, which Justin didn’t. Upgrade!”
But it was Lauren’s straight-up refusal to partake in any kind of game that Brody, a.k.a. Ladies’ Man, was pitching her way that scored her the most points. Although she talked some double-negative nonsense to Lo about his dating other women — ”I want Brody to want to not do it without me saying anything” — Lauren held firm in the end. It’s the smartest thing anyone has done on the show: Lauren knew what she wanted and was unwilling to compromise with someone who she knew wouldn’t be able to offer her the attention she needed, especially with ”Britney, Canada Whore” installed in his phone. Or ”Britney Miami Call Her.” Seriously? What kind of guy uses such creative phone entries to remember the girls that he’s seeing? (Sidenote: An acquaintance of mine once revised his ex-girlfriend’s phone entry as ”Do Not Pick Up,” and like the voice of God, it worked. So maybe Brody’s onto something.)
Back in planet Speidi, nothing was said in between the lines. She-Pratt showed her true colors as part of Team Pratt. After Heidi confessed to her that she’d been having second thoughts, She-Pratt spilled the beans to Spencer. Though some of you might’ve interpreted this to be out of genuine concern for Heidi, I don’t think so, not with She-Pratt making statements like ”I know she pushed you into this.” On another note, I keep on thinking that She-Pratt bears a slight resemblance to Portia de Rossi. Anyone else agree? I loved how when Spencer and Stephanie swung by the paper shop to pick up ”the Heidi Montag save-the-date cards,” the woman behind the counter squealed, ”You’re getting married!” Because in reality, that’s probably how Spencer and his sister will end up — alone, and with each other.
Of course, Spencer reacted to the news of Heidi’s cold feet the only way he knew how — by being childishly passive-aggressive. When he was at home, he was all quiet, staring into Eric Haney’s counterterrorist book Inside Delta Force (fat chance Spence was actually reading it), being sullen. Heidi asked him what was wrong, and then fireworks started to blast in the air — but of the wrong kind. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can’t remember a time when Speidi were actually laughing together, appearing to have a good time, and seeming to be the couple in love that they profess to be. Instead, the blond Dresden-doll couple always look plain miserable, arguing about who sacrificed more for the other and not taking their marriage seriously enough. Blame it on Hollywood, but I can’t for the life of me understand the need to expedite the wedding. At this rate, it will be over before it even begins. (Speaking of counterterrorism, it was nice to see Heidi throw that book at the door after Spencer walked out.)
NEXT: Audrina’s Aussie