‘The Hills’ recap: On the move
It’s Election Day, TV Watchers, and there’s no better way to escape the nationwide presidential mania than by focusing on
something mind-numbing what happened last night on The Hills: a whole lot of, well, nothing. Okay, so Audrina moved out, but we already knew that was coming about a month and a half ago; Heidi lost her job, but, let’s be honest, did anyone out there actually believe she was seriously employed by Bolthouse anyway?; and Justin Bobby continued to prove that he doesn’t know how to communicate without being completely ambiguous.
So what does this all add up to? For one, a show that has become so predictable that nothing seems organic anymore. It was suspicious, for instance, that Lauren didn’t seem more shocked and/or disappointed when Audrina announced she was moving out. Plus, Audrina said she was moving that weekend, which also seemed odd because who can find a place, pack up their stuff, hire movers, move their stuff, etc., etc., all in the span of a few days (and in L.A. no less)? It’s not like Audrina was moving into a ratty apartment in a lackluster neighborhood, so she obviously had to do some digging to find that gem. And yes, I am calling it a gem — regardless of how it compares with Lauren’s house — because that place was gorgeous and made me question how the heck dull, naive Audrina could afford it (oh, that’s right, she scored a role in the blockbusters Into the Blue 2 and Sorority Row). Keep in mind, however, that my entire NYC apartment could probably fit into her plush kitchen, so my judgment on quality housing may be a little off. Even so, why couldn’t the MTV cameras be let in on Audrina’s house-hunting adventure? That would’ve been so entertaining because we would’ve been forced to watch Audrina try to work with numbers and use big words, like “mortgage” and “property tax.” I smell a spin-off in the works!
Apparently Audrina wanted to move into her own place not only to gain independence from the Blonde Ambition Tour (a.k.a. Lauren and Lo) but also to “rekindle that flame” with Justin Bobby. Audrina, along with her visions of romance and candles, explained to her tattoo-clad sister, Casey (seriously, were those tattoos or sleeves on a shirt?), that her new living quarters would allow her to frolic freely with Justin Bobby and not have to worry about things like waking up the dog. Uh, didn’t Audrina have the entire guesthouse to herself before? It’s not like she was sleeping on a bunk bed in the same room as Lauren and Lo, and, hello, it’s not like having roomies stopped her from floating in the pool topless, so I’m going to disregard her lame excuses. Casey then rightfully inquired, “You bought this for Drina, right? Not so, Drina and Justin could…” Casey trailed off, but what I suspect she was going to say was “Not so Drina and Justin could live happily ever after?”
That was precisely what Drina was hoping for, Casey dear. In fact, earlier in the episode, the new homeowner asked J. Bob if he’d consider moving in, and he said, “Let it just happen and see what happens.” I could feel Audrina’s despair through her
dead eyes when J. Bob gave that vague response, but in his defense (wow, never actually thought I would use those words in reference to J. Bob), does she really think that’s the way to go about asking a guy like him (read: childish idiot) to move in — over dinner and out of nowhere? I mean, the dude just blew you off in Cabo and stole your hair tie. What about his behavior gives off the I-am-ready-to-commit-and-move-in-with-my-maybe-girlfriend vibe?
NEXT: Speidi weighs in