Mitch Haaseth/ABC
Marc Snetiker
February 26, 2016 AT 07:34 PM EST

In Wes and Laurel’s absence, the rest of the gang is incredibly preoccupied by the Philpocalpyse, a.k.a. the shaky iPhone 4 video that the fugitive Philip shot of the Hapstall mansion murders. He’ll take it to the police unless he gets a cool $1 million, and since the McDonald’s Monopoly game is currently in its offseason, Keating & Associates must find another way to get the money.

A quick digression: We only assume Philip shot the video because: one, we know he was there that night at a car-level vantage point; and two, everyone keeps saying Philip. That second fact alone should be enough to assume the videographer is some crazy third party…but which familiar-to-viewers-yet-noticeably-underused-this-season recurring cast member could it be!? Oliver? Eve? One of the students Annalise once called on in class back when they still actually went to class?!

Connor and company are relying entirely on Annalise to solve the problem of Philip’s $1 million ransom, and she does so with just a little lubrication and apology-demanding. She’s not in the video, so she has no reason to help other than to hold the favor over Connor’s head in the future. Initially, Annalise tries to get some money from Caleb, who in turn procures more information from Catherine — but Catherine shuts him out. Um, girl, didn’t you turn yourself in?! Why the turn on Caleb all of a sudden? For narrative purposes, she’s now angry at Caleb and calls Philip “the brother who’d actually love me the way I always wanted.” Hapstall, bye. Say hi to Taystee when you don’t get invited back for season 3. (Really, Catherine is only angry at Caleb so the writers could find a reason to drive Caleb and Michaela back together.)

With no information to nab Philip and no way to raise the full ransom, Annalise decides that it’s the end of the world and everyone should spend their last night screwing, drinking, and catching up on season 2 of American Crime. Annalise goes home to make dinner and love to Nate; Michaela hooks up with Caleb; Asher tries to make up with Bonnie, but she’s decided they can’t ever be together. Oliver comes home to sex up Connor, who has taken the apocalyptic opportunity to do the smartest thing anyone on How to Get Away with Murder has ever done: apply for a transfer to another school. It’s a move that really should have happened, like, 17 episodes ago. Suddenly, I’m treating Annalise’s house as the island on Lost, and I’m praying the kids get out one by one before the smoke monster eats them up.

The next morning is the ransom reckoning, but Annalise decides that they’re not going to pay Philip and instead call his bluff — there’s no timestamp on the video, and even if there were, it would prove he was there that night. So they decide to bite the bullet and let the ransom deadline pass. Moments later, another video arrives: This time, starring Annalise and Nate, as filmed last night through the kitchen window.

So, back to my point: If it’s not Philip (whose whereabouts are thought to be Canada or somewhere where oil portraits are still appreciated), then who could the mystery taunter be?

The Question of the Week

In flashback land, everyone continues to mention the danger of pregnant Annalise flying, or the danger of Annalise being in Cleveland for a month, or any other such fear-mongering that’s all the scarier for viewers who know she doesn’t have a child — so, again, how did Annalise lose the baby? And does it have anything to do with the very threatening Mahoney family, who all but straight-up told her they only hired her because she’s black, female, and pregnant?

More cerebral Chipotle for thought: What did Laurel’s father do, and will he figure prominently in the next season? Why did Frank say he “had to” kill Lila? Approximately when did sweet young Bonnie make her move on Sam Keating (whose reappearance as concerned husband instead of corpse husband is actually kind of nice)? And will Connor get into Stanford!?

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