”Lost”: Shannon’s icky secret
Oh, man. Just when the brother-sister make-out had finished burning my eyes — okay, brother-stepsister make-out — poor little Shannon’s chest got all turned into hamburger by the monster. And then, just when I’d gotten over the hamburger (oh, like, 30 seconds later, somewhere around the Desperate Housewives commercial), they hit me with the She’s Not Dead, Boone Just Had a Vision Courtesy of Locke’s Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, and now I’m all not trusting this show anymore. Frankly, ”Don’t make out with your stepsister” is a lesson I think Boone could have learned without the hamburger chest and all the running, don’t you?
Tonight’s episode was all about one thing: happiness, and the pursuit thereof. Locke is happy ‘cause he’s changing lives and doesn’t need his compass anymore and has gone from being a paraplegic Boy Scout to an all-knowing jungle man. Jack is sorta happy: He seems to have completely forgotten that Kate is a murderer, and, plus, he’s helping Hurley with all the, ya know, diarrhea. (I loves me a good poop subplot.) Kate is happy, ‘cause she and the Lady Korean are planting a garden. (Girls love to plant gardens together, especially when one of them is secretly understanding every word the other one is saying and … oh! Thank God. Kate caught on to that English thing. Good job, Kate! Don’t murder her, now. Play nice!) The Lady Korean, Sun, has been weirdly happy this whole time, actually, but now her husband is smiling a bit more, and even Hurley and his diarrhea got a nice happy-making present at the end, when Mr. Korean, Jin, brought him a fish. (Oh, the precious!) Michael is happy ‘cause he found his own bag, and because there is nothing more heartwarming and wholesome than watching your son cavort outdoors with a dog (even if the son and the dog are trapped on an island), and Shannon and Sayid are happy because they can bat their eyes at each other and be all in lurve. I hate lurve. I’m with Boone. Tie me up and send me to the monster if you must. Ick. No lurve. Especially not with those two. I think I’ve made my feelings on that issue clear.
New thing I’d like to rant about, though, is this ”Mr. Locke is gonna save us all” bit. I hate people who listen to my problems, act like they know what’s best for me, and then hit me over the head with a big knife. Lucky for us, though, Locke is trapped inside the tee-vee so we don’t have to deal with him at parties. But it does raise the question of, okay, what is the monster? ‘Cause it’s not a dinosaur, that’s for damn sure. It’s some sort of Cosmic Godly Force devoted to changing lives that just happens to rip out trees and make a strange giant can-opener noise while it’s doing it. But ”Cosmic Godly Force” isn’t real specific, is it? I did like the way the CGF gave us good flashback this week, though: So Shannon tends to take up with boys who are bad for her, and Boone runs around with a checkbook buying her back? That’s a sweet life. So by the end of the episode, I wouldn’t say Boone was necessarily happy, but he did seem content to follow Locke around and do his bidding for the rest of time.
Only person not visibly happy: Charlie. But I think that’s just because he’s all hung up on, like, ”Where’s Claire? Remember her? The pregnant girl we were all freaking out about the other day? I’m depressed ‘cause she’s not here.” God, Charlie. You and your overblown sense of responsibility. Quit bringin’ us all down, dude!
1. Can I just go straight to the land of the scenes from next week?
2. How is it possible it took them until next week to decide to build a raft?
3. Oh, yeah! Claire! Remember her?
4. Was that a polar bear?
5. Where was Sawyer?
6. Can Mr. Korean speak English, too?
7. Do you understand infection? Gangrene? Amputation? Pee on it!