The situation in Rosewood has become an interesting Frankenstein’s monster of other shows for the past couple weeks: It’s Law & Order in the courtroom for Mona’s murder trial and Orange Is The New Black in prison. And now, with Parks and Recreation’s vapid news anchor Perd Hapley reporting jovially about Alison’s slim chances in court (“Is this kid going down, down, down?”) we’re in Pawnee, Indiana. But if your head was spinning, don’t worry. By the end of this episode, we’re shocked right back into prime Pretty Little Liars territory: potentially lethal weapons (arrows!), good characters turning suspicious, and “A” winning… again.
Let’s start with the courtroom drama. The prosecution brought in a “surprise witness”—Mona’s old/new friend Leslie Stone, the one who showed up out of nowhere and threw the Liars (and us!) into a tizzy by her very existence. She seemed nice enough a few episodes ago, but this is Rosewood, where every new character brings bad tidings. Leslie testified that Mona had been having a hard time before Thanksgiving, and that Ali had threatened Mona not to open up about the fake kidnapping. Big surprise: Ali threatens everyone. But then, the grenade exploded. Leslie turned on the waterworks and said the Liars were hiding something, putting special emphasis on Hanna’s “stalking.” I hate this girl. When Caleb called her a “four-eyed freak,” I was giddy—and I wear glasses.
To take the law into their own hands, as our fair Liars are wont to do, they split up (which they are also wont to do… in woods… in the dark… when murderers are around. But not today!). Spencer and Emily set about investigating Ali’s alibi—someone might have seen her in the park the night of Mona’s death. Aria, on the other hand, tried to convince Mike not to testify if the court asks, even though he’s “ready to talk.”
Remember many moons ago, when “A” said that Mona liked fun and games, but this “A” liked body parts? Or blood, or something else that makes me always watch this show with the lights on? If there’s one thing we know about “A,” it’s that that person keeps their promises (well, and that their phone plan includes unlimited texting). So to shut Mike up, “A” sent the Montgomery kids a giant, dripping, pink tongue. The only consolation here is that it was too big to be a human tongue.
Meanwhile, Spencer and Emily went back to Ali’s park to look for clues (namely, the black scarf with red flowers Ali saw in a bush before Thanksgiving), but all they found was a smiling Christian boy and his youth group. It felt like a lost cause, until the girls showed up at school to see the very same scarf hanging out of a girl named Kendra’s backpack. When they asked her about the park, she freaked out: turns out she was there the night Ali was, but she’d accidentally gotten “Look-my-hand-has-eight-fingers”-high, so her testimony was totally useless. THANKS FOR NOTHING, KENDRA.
NEXT: Bro bonding goes awry