Lifetime Television
Missy Schwartz
March 19, 2010 AT 09:09 PM EDT

Perhaps it’s just a case of the seven yearseason itch here in Project Runway Recap Land, but I’m starting to feel as though there’s as much surprise in these episodes as there is in company cafeteria menus. Monday: something mildly appetizing. Tuesday: same something, now slightly less appetizing. Wednesday: still same something, not even remotely appetizing, even with the promise of a side of fries/chips/indeterminate blob of greasy something. Thursday… You get the idea. (And then you order out.)

For the second week in a row, it was painfully obvious who’d be doing the victory soft shoe and who’d be taking the walk of shame before any of the designs even left the workroom, much less made an impression on Nina, Not-Michael (boo!), Heidi, and guest judge Molly ”fashionable model and actress” Sims.

Given how unsubtle the editing has become, Emilio ”I used to live in Harlem” Sosa’s vow to win this week made me think he probably would take this challenge, which used his hometown of da Big Apple as a point of departure for a day outfit and evening get-up. In teams of two, the gang ventured into four different Manhattan ‘hoods. Anthony and Maya took Chinatown (so many roasted ducks in windows!), Amy and Jonathan went to the Upper East Side (wrought iron! brick!), Emilio and Seth Aaron scooted up to Harlem (even the grannies wear denim!), and Jay and Mila skulked around the East Village (rock-n-roll! and! let’s try not to kill each other! Okay!).

While Teams Harlem and Chinatown soaked up the inspiration in glorious fraternal harmony (foreshadowing! the teams that play well together stay in the race together!), the other two groups looked about as jazzed with their fate as do my cats when the vet puts them on the cold, metal scale. (Okay…slight exaggeration.) Jay and Mila flat-out told the cameras they didn’t like each other, while poor Amy and Jonathan, who got along swimmingly, found very little that moved them in Carrie Bradshaw’s neighborhood. Or rather, they found very little that moved, period. Said Jonathan: ”The first thing Amy and I notice is how static a place it is. There’s almost no movement.” Bingo! Why do you think so many old, rich people live up there, dearest John-John? The only thing that moves on the Upper East Side are people’s psyches as they unload them while stretched out their shrinks’ couches. Next time, Jonathan and Amy, perhaps you could design a Freudian Slip?

This being the L’Oréal challenge (snore), there was a prolonged makeup-consultation montage (bathroom break!). And once again, there was far too little of Tim Gunn. (Do Bunim/Murray not understand that Tim is the star of the show?) But props to Mr. G. for getting down with his bad self and mixing up his same-old-same-old required line with this sassy bit of improv: ”You know the drill with the Bluefly wall!” Oh yes we do!

Next: Some praise for Seth Aaron

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