I am once again back in the great state of Georgia while writing this recap and I can feel the Savannah spirits moving through me. Or, that could just be the reverberations of the women’s screams all the way from Atlanta. Last we left the Southernmost housewives (does Miami really count?), they were letting loose on each other on a blacked-out bus that looked like it was made to transport the mafia. Well, Kenya and Kandi were letting loose; everyone else was blinking huge fake-eyelashed blinks as though they couldn’t believe this was already happening 30 seconds into their trip to Savannah. Their naiveté to their own absurdity is just precious sometimes.
Nene finally gets Kenya to knock off her tardiness homily by saying that she’s the host of the trip, Kandi apologized for her (serious) lateness, and she’s ready to move on. Once Kenya is physically forced to stop being smug and the bus settles down, Phaedra whips out her tots and start pumping breast milk. Obviously, this leads to sexy talk and Kandi confesses she and Todd aren’t getting it on as much as she’d like. Not to worry, Mynique-not-Mystique continues to nail her season 7 audition reel by saying she’s getting and giving enough for everybody: every other day for 13 years of marriage to her husband, Chuck.
We’re having girl talk! This is what this show is all about! Nope; cue the Porsha Stewart Might Know Less About Adulthood than Your 5-year-old Niece Moment of the Week. Porsha, the world’s leading expert on healthy marriages, says if a wife is only having sex with her husband once a week, “you not really doing what you supposed to do.” Lest her message be misinterpreted as simply an inoffensive personal preference, she continues: If your husband “steps out” on you because you’re not taking him to PoundTown three to four times a week, then “you take some of the fault.” Porsha just might be doomed.
Every once in a while, Kenya Moore says something so dead-on and intelligent that it makes me furious that she allows herself to behave so poorly the rest of the time. In response to Porsha’s brainwashed views on marriage, she says: “If you think that it’s OK for your husband to go and cheat if you’re not screwing him every day, that’s all you’re saying your worth is: what’s between your legs.” Ugh, why can’t we get Women’s Studies-major-Kenya all the time?
The ladies finally arrive at the Wedding Cake Mansion where they’re staying in Savannah, and *Side Note* I am just loving the “Jay Leno casual” denim-on-denim look Nene’s been sporting all season. It’s refreshing amongst the sea of Lycra.
I had an easier time picking a college than most of the women in the Housewives franchise have picking out which bedroom to inhabit on their producer-mandated trips. It’s a bratty move for Kandi to sprint up the stairs and claim the master bedroom when Nene planned the trip but, staying steady on Nene’s 70 M.P.H. High Road Adventure, she just lets it go and takes a less masterful bedroom. She’s determined for this trip to bond them together like she first intended, no matter how many times Kenya hisses in her ear that she “should at least say something about it.” Nene establishes a few rules but not without first implying that Kenya made her, because no one establishes dominance without taking any of the heat quite like Nene Leakes. The woman is a queen among housewives.
NEXT: Some intense but (almost) definitely correct theories on Mynique…