The episode opened with Sonja and Ramona discussing their skin care regimens, at which point I was surprised Mario didn’t side lunge through the background holding up a sign for TruRenewal.Carole and Aviva soon showed up and they got down to a proper rag session on a missing Housewife. Has this season gotten off to such a slow start because we’re only getting Housewives in fractured groups of four? Speaking of, Aviva and Reid are going down to their penthouse apartment in Miami—would the present three like to attend. (And let’s never ever mention this trip to Heather.) In case Sonja was worried about being a fifth wheel, Aviva has someone she’d really like to set her up with. And what a pitch! She loves him very much, he’s very, very handsome and athletic, tall, dark and handsome, he’s a sex addict, yada yada. Oh and he’s Aviva’s father. Poor little Ramona nearly did a spit-take. Glug, glug, little bird. “Do you really need to tell her this ahead of time?” flapped Ramona.
Meanwhile Heather was working with Sonja to help establish her singular brand identity. I object. We all know women sign up for this show to fluff their egos and extend their brand, but now we’re dedicating air-time to them working on their brand logo ad nauseam? Even Sonja was bored. “F%@@ ex husband,” she groused to herself, as she had her man try to heave her Sonja-Bak-Oven out of her roller bag. “I should be sitting my fat ass in my house in France.” Heather’s brand expert couldn’t give a fig about the Morgan last name or whether she wore leather or suede gloves in last season’s photo shoot. And he couldn’t get it up for her the sexy J in her logo. Sonja (and all of us viewers at home) looked increasingly pinched as this turned into an extended debate about font.
That secondary Disney character Jacques hosted one of his wine tasting events and he and LuAnn had mischief on their minds. I have to believe their whole little set-up sounded funnier to them when they cooked it up over dinner, because they really came out of this looking like a pair of lousy weasels. Jacques had a wine expert on hand to lead folks through their blind taste-testing. “Master of wine is a title,” the woman explained of her credentials. “It’s kind of like the Olympics.” (Huh?) As Ramona sat down, with Jacques and LuAnn snickering behind her, she opted not to be blind-folded. It’s a thing, guys. She won’t even let Mario blind fold her. Ramona wanted a little more citrus flavor from the sampling of white, a little more depth. She guessed all of the proffered essences correctly though, so she was feeling good enough about herself to overlook the fact that Jacques had set her up to dog her own Ramona. If LuAnn hoped to embarrass her, she failed miserably.
NEXT: Aviva’s father is on the make.