Oh dahlings. This whole London pseudo adventure is almost behind us. “Are we going to have to listen to this faux British accent the entire trip?” Carole rightly worried about LuAnn’s inflated affectation across the pond. That’s an affirmative, princess. So I hope you packed an extra doob in your carry-on because nothing brings out LuAnn’s haughtiness like international travel. Also, Sonja fell into the penthouse tub and can’t get up. Somebody ring the concierge.
Back in New York Aviva was still wringing her hands, hoping the cool girls understood that she wanted to go London it’s just that she’s so afraid of flying. (Have these first six episodes just been one episode playing on a loop?) But to pass the time, and ensure they stayed in the picture, Aviva and Ramona went on a little shoe-shopping date. The prospect of a one-legged woman in a shoe store sent Ramona’s twirly-bird eyes into a tailspin.”Does she bring this half-limb to the store? Does she take off the half-limb in the store?” Does the half-limb then do a tap dance for the customers before turning on the manager and demanding he stuff all of the cash register money in between its toes? Does it?! Aviva calmly walked Ramona through her reality. She can’t wear sling backs. She can wear sandals. The half-limb can touch sand and water. “Aviva I’m getting shivers,” Ramona interrupted her. Time for some role-playing. “Like oh my gosh let’s just do this for a second. Okay, if you were in a store just like this, okay I don’t know you, let’s pretend I don’t know you, I’m walking into a store….” It is moments like this that ensure Andy Cohen will always remain loyal to the Ramonica.
In London Carole wanted to show LuAnn and Sonja around her old neighborhood. They went shopping but the price tags spooked Sonja. “i always envision myself on the subway shaking a can asking for money,” she said. Season 6 spoiler! Then Carole showed them the stately house—which may in fact have been the house Hugh Grant and Rhys Ifans lived in in Notting Hill—that cocooned her after her husband’s death. “There’s a line in my book that says ‘widows are the new virgins,’” she said. (For all those who’ve wondered why Carole dumbed herself down by doing the show I think we have an answer. Expect to hear her say “There’s a line in my book….” a dozen more times before the season finale.) As she described that unsettling period in her life LuAnn kept speaking over her. “It’s hard, that’s hard, that’s hard,” she said, rather than empathizing by doing any actual listening. Speaking of LuAnn, she almost bought a house in London once. That was when she was living in Switzerland. And isn’t it strange that she and Carole have never met before, what with all the royalty they have in common? Finally a hedge had heard enough and tried to stuff itself in LuAnn’s mouth.
NEXT: “She’s an acquired taste.” Wait, which one?