That poor fish in a vase. It’s that time of year again, Peggy and Micah’s annual dinner party. “Is everything gonna work out okay for you here?” Micah asked celebrity chef Susan Feniger. “You got the right equipment?” Yep, she’s got a skillet bubbling with oil and three packs of Double Stuffs ready to go. Upstairs the makeup artist was getting ready to go to town on Peggy’s face. She’s “practically my sister,” gushed Peg, which mind you doesn’t mean the woman will get invited to sit down and eat at the table. The flowers were beautiful, the chandelier exquisite, Micah’s Breitling watch matched the Bentley out in the driveway. Let’s get this party started.
First Gretchen needed to get her hairs did. Wah, it was Slade’s night to take care of his children so she had to bring her mean gay friend as a date instead. Thanks a lot Slade. “He has some s— he has to get worked out,” she told her stylist. “You know, with his sons and the child support.” S— is the worst. A story had apparently broken the day of the dinner party accusing Smiles of being a deadbeat dad. Though let’s be honest, Gretchen whined, the real issue here is whether “people are going to look down on me because of that.” She explained that back when Slade was pulling money in hand over first his child support payments were x amount of dollars; now that his job was stuffing free gift bags with Gretchen Christine Beaute cosmetics he needed his financial obligation adjusted. Life can be so unfair. “I feel like I’ve been dealt a pretty hard hand,” said Gretchen, which is really not what a grown woman should be saying about a situation that involves a sick child. But it’s just really hard knowing that even if she were to get her “naughties filled with gravy,” she wouldn’t wake up to Slade handing her “big smackerdoodles” of diamond earrings. Eloquently put.
No Tamra. No to those gold shoes. Absolutely not.
The women were finally going to get a good look at Eddie. First he had to make it through Vicki’s bug-eyed appraisal. Tamra did a pretty spot-on impression of the two approaches Vicki could take: Some hysterical, grabbing-and-thrusting-his-hand-in-the-air woo hooing or tight-lipped questions about his work hours. Either way, Donn could be counted on to be generous and warm. I do worry sometimes about Donn’s drinking and yet I too would love to do shots with the man. Vicki strode into the kitchen, said a vague hello, and looked pointedly in the other direction. What? What?! Her persona is so exaggerated she’s like an SNL character come to life. Tamra snickered meanly over news of Slade’s failings as a father, and Eddie, perhaps trying to impress Vicki, suggested they stop at McDonalds on the way to pick him up a job application. Such toxicity doesn’t sit comfortably on him and he should probably leave it to the master.
Cut to stock footage of a white limo driving past a field, the same shot used since the dawn of the Orange County franchise.
NEXT: Alexis is going through a really sad time. And by time, she means the two hours she’s at this party.