Haven’t we already done the episode where Vicki wants the biggest boat in the marina? She’s sick and tired of her family making fun of her all the time for working so hard. How are you going to ride around in the biggest boat checking your email if you don’t work until 1am every night? She’d carved out a full day for relaxation and made sure to coordinate it with the Bravo producers. Ready for fun time, family?
Hey, what’s with lazy fishermen? Go buy your tilapia at the market, you lazy moron! Shut up, Ma. Um, Brianna, Brianna babe, lay off the pinot grigio. Remember your father is a drunk. Can it, Ma. Brianna and Michael and Donn were kind of an adorable, buzzed little family unit. And then there was Vicki, who used to sew and knit, and now wishes every conversation could somehow circle back to insurance. Oh Vicki, you really were Captain Obnoxious all episode. And by the way, your son Michael called you obnoxious. Not Donn. (He just cackled a little and at this point sweetie, who can blame him? And that’s coming from a Vicki fan.) I wanted to throw my wine glass at the TV when she so unceremoniously dismissed both her dog and her husband from her office. She just wants respect is all. (Sad cut to Donn walking away with Walter and a sodden dog bed.) Her work family gives her that acknowledgment. THAT’S BECAUSE YOU PAY THEM, YOU IDIOT. And the best way for a boss to earn respect is to spank her employees and fuss like a hen over their shirt sizes. Get out while you can, Reese!
Tamra was off for a 10-day birthday trip to Sevilla, Spain with Eddie and they both were rocking the Ed Hardy look for the plane. An angel cries every time one of these women wear a too-small t-shirt with a bedazzled cross over their swollen chest. And by the way it’s none of Simon’s business where Tamra goes, she’ll have us know. Oh T, forget about Alexis’ text message. So you brought Mace to the party and it didn’t go over with your uptight host. You’re going to Spain! And Eddie brought his hot pink neck pillow and 10 bags of luggage! Leave Alexis and Gretchen to stew over how badly you suck. We know where Gretchen stands. “I think Tamra is very witty,” said Gretchen. “I think her timing is horrible.” Then she paused, allowing all of us at home time to toss the wash into the dryer and let the dog in. “And I think I’m much better at it!” she cried. Zing! But Alexis just doesn’t understand why Gretchen and Tamra can’t cut the crap and stop making digs at each other. Like Gretchen, when you made that lame voodoo hat joke, that was just not cool. Au contraire Alexis! Gretchen will have you know that it was very hilarious and well-timed. I think this would have been a perfect time for Alexis to remind her that nobody expects a princess to be funny.
Later in the episode Gretchen brought out the big guns. Her parents’ 40th anniversary celebration was around the corner and that called for extra shoulder plumage. Also, it meant that Slade had a legal pad’s worth of errands to run and he better not f^%# up her Kinko’s order this time. Slade, who’s gone from creepy snake to simpering weasel, had a great idea for party favors. What if they doctored up some tissue boxes that said “Happy 40th!”? Gretchen looked like she was going cut him with a shiv. You shut your mouth and go pick up those poster boards.
NEXT: Tamra and Eddie take their love to Spain. Senor, some french fries for the lady!