Sven Frenzel /The CW
Samantha Highfill
April 24, 2015 AT 04:54 AM EDT

I’m just going to say it: I’m glad this Mary-Condé story seems to have come to an end. He’s super hot, and I like him, but it was really starting to feel repetitive: Mary reassures Condé that she loves him, she and Francis argues, Condé contemplates if this is the right move … lather, rinse, repeat. But now, not only has he committed treason, but Mary knows about it, so things should get interesting from here. 

We kick things off with a children’s choir—children singing is never a good thing—when a group of Protestant rebels kill a bunch of monks and take the children captive in a monastery. Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d write.

Meanwhile, in the woods, Mary is reuniting with Condé who apparently went home for a few weeks to think. And now? Mary still loves him and he can’t resist those teary eyes. So instead of breaking it off, they makeout. 

But you know who’s not making out? Bash and Kenna. When Bash returns from the woods, Kenna confronts him about his new “friend” whom he has been spending all of her time with. All he tells her is that his new friend has both a name and breasts. So is Bash really hooking up with the Woman in White? If her healing you can lead to bad things, I definitely wouldn’t sleep with her, Bash. I can only imagine some of her … powers.

Once inside the castle, Bash updates Francis and Mary on the situation at the monastery. Forty men are dead, and there are 19 hostages inside. But with so many of France’s troops in Scotland, they don’t have a team equipped for a hostage situation. So while Bash preps some of the castle guards as a last resort, Mary and Francis attempt to soothe the minds of some of the parents of those captured. 

The entire situation gives Mary flashbacks to her rape, and Francis reassures her that she’s safe. However, their moment is short-lived because Condé is back and Francis is pissed with a capital “P.”

Speaking of people who are usually pissed, Catherine is currently venting to Narcisse about her hatred of Condé—she wants to crush him in her fist (which I personally would love to watch her attempt). But Narcisse has a plan: He gets some of his men to plant some dead bodies at the monastery with Condé’s seal. That way, Condé would look like he was a part of the Protestant attack. Oh, and Narcisse and Catherine are 100 percent hot and heavy now (and there still isn’t a bathtub in sight.)

Also, can we talk about how France’s “great lover” just said, “I don’t want you satisfied that quickly.” He doesn’t sound that great to me right about now.

In town, Lola and Kenna visit Greer’s gorgeous new house, where they learn that not only is their friend a madam, but she’s kind of the biggest, baddest madam in all the land. Basically, she’s loaded and she had a job that requires her to have champagne ready at all times. It’s official: My 16th-century job would be a madam. (Don’t judge me.)

I know, you probably expected me to say that my 16th-century job would be a queen, but let’s just consider what Mary’s having to deal with right now: The Protestant rebels are sitting in the monastery with tons of gun powder just waiting for word to spread of their attack, at which point in time, they will blow up the building with the children still inside. So yeah, I’m sticking with madam.

NEXT: A marriage even shorter than Kim Kardashian’s

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