Eric McCandless/ABC
March 29, 2015 at 10:28 PM EDT


TV Show
Current Status
In Season
run date
Emily VanCamp, Madeleine Stowe

When they finally met in person, WHM asked Emily to chloroform herself, or else Nolan would meet his maker. Emily complied, and when she woke up she found herself chained to a wall in the kind of antiseptic holding cell where you’d imagine they’d be tortured to the sweet refrain of “Orinoco Flow.” Torture is always a good idea, especially when you’re an ex-CTU agent, have two prisoners, and one is an über-geek with probably a low pain threshold. But Emily told WHM that he had exactly one hour to retrieve the evidence she’d stolen or it would be transmitted via email to the authorities. Just when I’d hoped we’d have a bit of Star Wars-style banter with Nolan in the role of Princess Leia and Emily as Han Solo—I would have particularly enjoyed a huffy line from Emily like “Maybe you’d like it back in your cell, your worship?”—Emily pulled a handy lock-pick out of her sleeve and removed their binders. Nolan had to go secure the evidence and plant it in Agent McGowan’s car. But she would stay behind. She had a score to settle, and was going to settle it in the most badass way possible: with an axe and the parting line “Tell Jack that I love him.”

When WHM returned, she was there. Waiting. We were gonna have ourselves an axe fight! Emily got to show off her full arsenal of Takeda-instructed jujitsu when she finally went all Battle Royale on his ass. “You’re a fighter,” WHM said. “You must have gotten that from your mother.” Bastard! You don’t taunt the girl by throwing in her face the fact that her father didn’t put up a fight when you killed him. If you do, you’ll probably hear her say, “Look at my face. It’ll be the last thing you see when you die.” So she did say that. But some part of her, the David Clarke part of her, must have made her realize what she had become. She threw down the axe before she had choked all the life out of him, and when he asked why she hadn’t honored her father, she replied, “I just did.”

When Emily returned to her cottage, she really should have expected that Daniel would be there. After every moment in her life that’s profound or meaningful or soul-shaking she can expect Daniel to confront her with petty recriminations and unfounded accusations. This time, Ashley had told him about that post-dog-funeral smooch she witnessed between Emily and Jack. The fact that Jack had also returned that $1 million check made Daniel realize that he really did have some competition for Emily’s heart. For the umpteenth time he said some nonsense about his mother being right, that Emily must want to marry him because of the Grayson name. As if an independently wealthy young woman who’s just bought a beautiful seaside house in the Hamptons would want to marry into a family that’s been through a murder trial, an SEC investigation, and impending terrorism charges. Emily said she would have married him in spite of his family name, not because of it, and, sadly, he’d now become what he always said he never wanted to be: a Grayson.

NEXT: Charlotte gets her own incredibly petty revenge against Declan and Yonkers Girl. And Victoria begins the arduous task of reclaiming her soul.

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