Jake Perlman
July 21, 2014 AT 01:03 AM EDT

It’s Christmastime in the Garden State, and (thanks to the premiere’s slight format change) our first gift of the season is new tag lines for all the housewives, aside from the twins, who share one. Without further ado:

“You never know how strong you are until it’s the only choice you have.” —Teresa G. (Wonder what she could be referring to?)

“I’ve learned to forgive and never regret.” –Melissa (Nice play on words/subtle dig)

“You’re not seeing double—you’re seeing trouble!” –Teresa and Nicole (Not seeing any reason to care just yet)

“I’m a survivor, no one is bringing me down.” –Amber (Is this also her audition for Elphaba in Wicked?)

“I’m back to bring the Zen. Namaste, bitches!” –Dina (Winner. Hands down.)

Besides spending time with family and loved ones, the holidays in New Jersey are also a time to remind yourself and others of all of the extravagance around. The Guidice’s continue to use the time together to reflect on what’s important. A couple of seasons ago, Teresa probably would have made a much bigger scene about the multiple ornaments that broke while decorating the family tree. But the new Teresa—the stronger Teresa—has more important priorities than holiday décor. With the right intentions, she is clearly struggling to find the right balance in her life as her solemn narrative of the season continues.

The Gorgas are also spending time together decorating, but their new rental home in Franklin Lakes isn’t quite big enough for the oversize trees, plants, and nutcrackers they are trying to fit in while their “dream home” is being built. What was wrong with the first dream home for the Gorgas you may ask? Well, nothing really—but remember Melissa wanted to move away from Teresa and her family so their children wouldn’t end up going to the same school together? That’s what she said at the reunion, but it looks like Melissa’s story has changed, and she claims they only moved to be closer to Joe’s work. She likely was just being dramatic last season, but it does seem that Melissa and Teresa’s relationship is in a comfortable place.

Over at Twin Christmas, we learn that Nicole has been living with her parents ever since she divorced… three years ago; that Twin Teresa’s eccentric husband Rino is teaching their 17-year-old son Giovanni the family restaurant business; that the twins’ father is very big on tradition however, not great on finishing stories; and the twins’ mother is named Santa.

NEXT: Kale and drama in the Garden State

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