Eliza Morse
Price Peterson
June 14, 2016 AT 06:24 PM EDT


TV Show
Current Status
In Season
Willa Fitzgerald, Bex Taylor-Klaus, Carlson Young
Crime, Horror, Mystery

What makes a character the main character? Having the most screentime? The cutest face and hair? The seat of power in a love triangle or square or pentagram? Just going out on a limb here, a lonely and shaky limb far too high off the ground: The main character should have the most info. They should know the most about what’s going on and spur those around them into action. Main characters shouldn’t just be audience surrogates; they should be aspirational, the driving force, the one who will change everything. Unfortunately Scream‘s main character is Emma for some reason. For a main character, Emma sure does seem like a blind, confused ghost who sounds like she’s trying to speak underwater. Oh well, at least there’s still Audrey. She might’ve gotten herself into an ill-advised pickle or two, but at least she’s interesting.

“Vacancy” continued season 2’s trend of naming episodes after other horror films, but it’s telling that this one was named after a decidedly non-classic. Can’t shade a show that shades itself! But this episode still had some fun parts. Let’s talk about it.

We began right where last week’s episode left off: Audrey rubbing her face with tons of dangling car deodorizers while Jake’s corpse stared into the middle distance. Suddenly she was interrupted by a call from “UNKNOWN,” which by law she was forced to answer. It was the killer; he or she was just checking in to see how Audrey’s night was going so far, which was thoughtful. But to be honest, Audrey’s night was not going great. The killer had left an incriminating note with her name on it pinned to Jake’s corpse, so she quickly plucked it off and ran away. But it was better than doing homework, am I right?

Because Emma still wasn’t informed and up-to-date about the whole there’s-a-new-killer thing, her main concern was the return of her father to town. Her first order of business was to confront Chill Mom™ about what was going on, and she learned something very important about her dad:

As it turned out, not very many people liked Emma’s dad very much.

Audrey remembered that he had had mental problems, and Chill Mom™ just straight-up didn’t want to talk about him at all. So Emma had no choice but to take her dad to coffee and get the 411.

Case closed. No more questions your honor. Just kidding, this dad-is-back plotline feels like some kind of riff on the Men in Black mind-wipe scene because I can’t possibly remember or care about any of it. But it’s nice to have Tom Everett Scott back in our lives? But let’s get back to the murderin’ already, Scream!

At this point it became time for Noah and Audrey to investigate that storage locker that Audrey had already broken into the night before. She got her old-fashioned video camera out, and she was ready and prepared to act shocked when they stumbled upon a well-deodorized corpse, but…

It wasn’t there anymore. It was just a handful of junk. Which, why did the motel rent this storage locker again? Just to keep that old sign safe somewhere? I don’t get it. Anyway, the killer had had a busy night moving corpses around for some reason. Nobody ever said that being a needlessly complicated serial killer was easy.

NEXT: A dead girl gets hacked

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