James Dimmock/FOX
Lanford Beard
July 01, 2011 AT 04:03 AM EDT

Okay, let’s get to what’s important: Cat Deeley was wearing a bedazzle on her clavicle. Clavazzicled? Who is going to join me in that trend? But seriously, could any of you focus on the jazzy Broadway number (to a selection from The Incredibles) that opened the show after last night’s spit swap? No offense to choreographer Michael Bruni, but my eyes just weren’t functioning the way they used to after Nigel and Mary’s rumor-inducing lip lock.

And you can blame Melanie and Marko (by way of their NappyTabs routine) for starting it all. Nigel deemed them “the couple to beat” and a make-out bomb exploded all over the judges’ panel. After a Deeley-mandated smooch session, Melanie and Marko were declared safe. Last night, Nigel was the cheese who stood alone in his distaste for Ashley and Chris’s spooky Sonya Tayeh routine… that is, until America voted. Ashley and Chris were first to learn they’d be dancing for their lives. Ryan and Ricky also tackled the Tayeh, but to a much better end, and were voted through.

Nigel rightly predicted Jordan and Tadd would sail through to the next week on the strength of their bed-bound hip-hop joint. Clink your chainmail bustiers and slap on those liquid leggings, people. Speaking of mellifluous things, Alexander and Sasha’s Dee Caspary contemporary gave them the edge over Miranda and Robert’s Broadway number. So, despite Lil’ C’s rhetorical question (“With legs like that, who needs arms?”), Miranda would be needing every limb she had claw her way out of the reject pile.

And so the final slot in the B3 was all down to a ballroom showdown courtesy of Jean-Marc Genereux. As it were, the fox trot was right in Jess’s wheelhouse — and Clarice was one hottie patottie to boot. Caitlynn and Mitchell’s samba was nothing to sniff at either, but apparently there is a strong voting bloc behind Jess. Sorry, Caitlynn and Mitchell.

While the dancers prepared for their solos, two members of the AXIS Dance Company, which integrates dancers with and without disabilities, performed a moving wheelchair pas de deux. It was dynamic and fluid, something akin to what Travis Wall would choreograph for any of the couples competing on this show.

NEXT: Which would win out, style or substance?

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