I could go on and on about how unshocking and predictable tonight’s results were. I could rhapsodize about how this has been a genuinely anticlimactic season. Or I could forgo all the grousing and tell you how Justin Giles told Lady Gaga to suck it. You see, some weeks ago, Gaga was…well…let’s say persnickety about the presence of a rose in a contemporary routine between Jess and Lauren Gottlieb. Gaga, a performing arts school alumna, thought the rose was gratuitous since Jess’s arm could have just as well expressed the rose. And then we have tonight’s opening number (“Grown Unknown” by Lia Ices), in which the top six dancers literally worshipped at the altar of the rose. It was the über-prop. I actually quite liked the routine. It was dynamic and multifaceted in a way that most of the group numbers haven’t been this season, yet it was also whimsical at times. Perhaps it wasn’t Giles’ intention to stick it to Gaga, but I still wonder WWGD — What Would Gaga Do?
After the opener, Nigel quickly announced that, since tonight’s results were (finally!) based on America’s votes, there would be no B4 so as not to reveal the top 2. As such, it was up to us to watch yet more solos from the top 6 and then twiddle our thumbs while the most obvious news was delivered that Melanie and Marko were safe. Since Cat spent the entire show impressing upon us that the first ones called out safe weren’t necessarily the highest vote-getters, mightn’t it have ratcheted up the suspense a bit to leave, say, Marko sweating it out? Or was this whole process such a forgone conclusion that the only real drama was finding out who would be the biggest loser when facing off against the unstoppable M&M? Not to mention, did you see Marko’s face just before Cat announced he was safe? Broke my heart! He looked like he was a 6-year-old in the Hostel Halloween maze.
Next: But what about those solos?