”Survivor: China”: Nude (almost) mud wrestling
Dammit! Why am I so stupid! The perfect excuse was right there all along. All those times when people caught me stumbling around the college campus drunk as a skunk, I should have just said, ”Oh, no, no. I?m not drunk at all. I just tried to break down two walls with a Chinese battering ram, that?s all.” Because I?m sorry, no matter what you tell me, Dave was drunk. Don?t know where he got the booze. Don?t care. Did you see him after Frosti — and I still have difficulty typing the name ”Frosti” without bursting into hysterics — pulled him away from the front of the barricade-bashing contraption? Dude couldn?t even walk a straight line! Classic stuff that sent me into a collegiate-flashback frenzy.
It?s because of shenanigans like this that I am happy the conceited blowhard didn?t get the boot this episode. And honestly, Ashley and her clown boobs kinda freaked me out. She was hard to look at (although her comment at tribal council that ”I?m voting for Derek Zoolander?.Oh, I mean Dave” was pretty choice). Plus, the woman is a professional wrestler and got positively smoked in what basically amounted to a mud-wrestling challenge. The fact that she got used and abused by an out-of-shape poker player reminds me of the time river guide Kelly Wigglesworth got embarrassed in a rowing challenge by Gervase Peterson, who barely even knew how to swim. Ah, memories.
The whole reward competition was stupendous. Basically, any challenge that features Jeff Probst announcing, ”Everybody pulling everybody?s clothes off now!” is gonna be a keeper. First we had Sherea, Jaime, and Aaron in some sort of three-way, then later Sherea started yanking Amanda?s top off. The combination of mud, wrestling, nudity, Jeff Probst pulling a big crank, and two huge balls rolling down a hill à la Raiders of the Lost Ark was pure magic.
NEXT: Is Jean-Robert bluffing?