Monty Brinton
Dalton Ross
February 28, 2015 AT 03:48 AM EST

Survivor

type
TV Show
genre
Reality TV
run date
05/31/00
performer
Jeff Probst
broadcaster
CBS
seasons
35
Current Status
In Season

”James, I don’t like the way that girl knocked you out of the game.”

”What? [chew chew] What did you say? [munch munch] I can’t hear you because I’m too busy eating a bowl of bats.”

”Son, you didn’t have to eat that there and you don’t have to eat that here. What the hell is the deal with you and those bats?”

”I don’t know, but Ozzy sells cheesy T-shirts of himself on his website, so I thought I could make ones too and call myself Batman. That name’s not trademarked or anything yet, is it?”

”Son, put down the bats and go iron my shirt and slacks so I can put them on and go ride around on my ATV in the mud pit out back. I simply can’t ride without them. And then we’re gonna talk about that Alexis.”

Of course, James had bigger problems than being kicked out of the challenge, because he was about to be kicked out of the entire game. Dr. Carolyn Sein pulled him out, citing the risk of infection spreading to his joints. James went and gave a hug goodbye to Parvati, who started crying. ”It’s just not fair,” she wailed. ”It’s just not right for him to go out like that.” You mean as opposed to voting his ass out, which is exactly what you would have done at the next Tribal Council had he stayed?

I get it that no one likes to go out of the game this way (well, except Chet and that dude from the Palau season who complained about rolling his foot on a coconut, who both asked to be voted out after ”injuries”), but Parvati’s tears seemed odd. After all, every time someone else leaves you’re one step closer to the million dollars. Plus, you don’t actually have to piss them off by voting them off. As viewers, we certainly don’t like to see good contestants go this way, unless it prevents double eliminations where winning tribes are forced to oust one of their own, in which case, bring on the infections!

In any event, Alexis won the challenge and picked Cirie and Natalie (and accompanying loved ones) to join her and her bro at Jellyfish Lake — a place I was lucky enough to go to, and let me assure you, it’s even more incredible than what you saw on TV. Of course, had Survivor not waited until season 17 to film in HD perhaps that would not be the case, but I digress. The most important thing that came out of the whole challenge was Amanda’s volunteering to go to Exile Island. Why no one has wanted to go to this place the last two weeks is beyond me. Remember the days when hidden immunity idols were hard to find? Yeah, well, those days are long gone. Seriously, at this point why not just have the first clue be: ”Look to your left, look to you right, then look to your left again. If there are no cars coming, you may cross the beach safely and we’ll hand you the damn thing.” I love the consequences of the idol being found (and played or not played) the past few weeks as much as the next guy, but it shouldn’t be thateasy to find. Next thing you know, Paula Abdul is going to show up and inform the contestants they have found the idol before they have even begun searching for it. (What, weirder things have occurred recently involving Abdul and the word ”Idol.”) So Amanda located the series of clues without much trouble and discovered that Idol 3.0 was, in fact, buried back at camp under the tribe flag.

NEXT PAGE: Amanda acts like a loser

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