With apologies to Shane Powers having a chocolate ice-cream bar “in about one minute,” did we just witness the grandest exit in Survivor history? In between the stare down, the cursing, the forgotten shoes, and then even more cursing, it has to be, right? I mean, again, the forgotten shoes!!! When you add that level of awkwardness into the heat and anger and confusion, it is just the most delicious cocktail of all time. And we haven’t even gotten to my favorite part of all — this exchange:
MICHAELA: “Did you do that?”
JAY: “Yeah, I did. Sorry.”
PETRIFIED HANNAH: “I did not do that.”
That exchange is right up there with the following classic from Micronesia:
CHET: “I hurt my head.”
JOEL: “I don’t care.”
CHET: “I know.”
“I did not do that.” What a perfect response — bewilderment mixed with a dash of please-don’t-kick-the-crap-out-of-me. The entire thing was terrific television, even if the result has us all crying into our Milwaukee’s Best. But sometimes the best episodes are the ones where the fan favorite goes home in dramatic fashion. That’s what makes Survivor special. Like Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, or Lost back in the day, you never know when your favorite character might go. Those are the stakes, and the stakes are why we keep watching. I hate to see Michaela voted out, but I’ll tell you this much — it was a hell of a lot more dramatic than seeing Bret or Sunday go home.
It was also more dramatic because Michaela took all of that bluntness we’ve seen all season, cubed it, and then unleashed it. She went out the way she came in — full throttle. Moments like these are what make the show so great, even if we ultimately hate the outcome — especially because it did not occur at least three days later, so we could be treated to the greatness that would have been Michaela on the jury. Seriously, can you imagine that? She most likely would have given Eliza Orlins a run for her money for the title of Most Comically Expressive Juror Ever.
So let’s all mourn the loss of Michaela in the game, yet appreciate the moment itself for landing an impact that just can’t be felt on other TV shows, right down to her final words to the camera after losing her chance at a million dollars: “Oh, well. I’m gonna get rich some way.” You know what? I don’t doubt it.
This was a great episode in what’s shaping up to be a great season. Think about it: All three tribes after the reshuffling voted AGAINST their majority numbers. All three! How crazy is that? The Gen Xers voted out a Gen Xer on Vanua. The Millennials voted out a Millennial on Takali, and then the Millennials once again voted out a Millennial on Ikabula. That’s insane! Nothing makes sense anymore. Black is white! Up is down! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
In any event, let’s recap this sucker from the very top. We begin on night 18 at Takali, with Adam explaining to Taylor why he turned on them and voted out Figgy. But Adam’s explanation merely consists of him stating the obvious over and over. Like, he just recites previously established facts without actually apologizing. It’s kind of hilarious. “I lied to you and I screwed you,” he says. “100 percent.” Oh, really? Thanks, I hadn’t noticed. “You are now in a worse situation than you were before,” he continues. “And that’s my fault. And I admit that.” Oh, you DO admit that? Thanks again, because there seemed to be a lot of confusion about whose fault it was, so for you to go out on a limb like that and reveal you were the culprit takes a lot of guts. Way to man up!
As for Taylor, he starts to talk tough for the first time all season and says it’s now “a total game of revenge… When it comes time, I will destroy you.” However, he then laughs his goofy stoner/snowboarder laugh immediately after, making his previous threats pretty difficult to take seriously. By the way, have you noticed Taylor and Figgy are suddenly way more interesting out of the game than they ever were in it? I spoke with Figgy last week and she said: “There was a real-life situation that I found out after the game, and it led to Taylor and I not being together.” Naturally, I assumed that to mean Taylor had a girlfriend back home, but apparently it’s more than that — a few hours after my interview with Figgy posted, Taylor tweeted he’s “stoked to be a snow board instructor/DAD this winter!” Yes, that’s an exact quote and yes, he is a snowboard instructor who doesn’t know how to spell snowboard. But a Dad?! So not only did he have a girlfriend back home, but he impregnated her as well? (Either he later thought better of this tweet, or CBS thought better of it for him, but either way, it has since been deleted.)
So there you have it! And the fact I am now reporting on the real-life breakups of reality romances is suuuuuuuuper depressing, so let’s move on, shall we? Over at Vanua — boy, I think I finally have these tribe names memorized; I sure do hope they don’t merge soon or anything! — David rightfully recognizes his neck may be next on Chris’ proverbial chopping block, so he goes to work on Zeke, telling him about his hidden immunity idol. “I hate sharing knowledge that I have,” he says, although judging by the evidence of what we’ve seen from David so far, that does not appear true in the least.
But maybe this information-sharing will pay off. “He has put his life in my hands,” says Zeke. “And I am going to take very, very good care of his life, for the time being.” Ah, but it’s those last four words David needs to worry about. In between promising Taylor to vote out his own and telling Zeke about his idol, there should be some fascinating stuff with David playing out at the merge next week.
NEXT: Michelle gets quite the reward back at camp