When I was a young boy, I dreamed that I would grow up to quarterback my beloved Washington Redskins to a Super Bowl championship. Fans would chant my name, players would poor buckets of Gatorade over my head in jubilant celebration, and Bryant Gumbel and his big afro would be interviewing me in the locker room where I would hoist the Vince Lombardi trophy and talk about how I did it all for my poor brother Johnny who was stuck in a wheelchair and never got a chance to walk, much less play the game we both loved so much. “This is for you, Johnny! This is for you!!!”
It was an idiotic dream. For one thing, I was scrawny as I was weak. We’re talking Cochran levels of ineptitude here. No way was I ever making the NFL. For another thing, I could barely throw a regulation size football five yards, which from what I gather is a prerequisite for being a Super Bowl champion quarterback. And then there’s the fact that I grew up with a sister named Allison, not a brother Johnny, and she walked just fine. (I guess the nonsensical insertion of a fictional handicapped brother made me seem extra dramatic and would make Hollywood more likely to produce a movie about my life story or something.) The point is, kids — never follow your dreams. They are just there to mock and confuse you. Which brings us to Ozzy Lusth. Ozzy had a dream that he saved both his tribe and his reputation for being a bad strategic player by volunteering to be voted off and go to Redemption Island. So then he went and did it. Of course, the idea didn’t first come to him in a dream. Nor did it come to him after watching Christine defeat Mikayla in her fifth straight duel. No, it came to him while talking to me the day before the game began as we discussed whether going to Redemption Island on purpose would be a viable strategy for him.
I actually don’t think it’s the worst idea in the world if done at the right time under the right circumstances, but now was not that time and these were not those circumstances. Here’s why. 1) Yes, the merge is probably happening before the next challenge, but only probably. Risking going into another team challenge without Ozzy is a big risk indeed, which could put you at a two-person disadvantage. 2) You don’t know what kind of duel you are going to get. Sure, Ozzy is great at physical challenges, but puzzles are not exactly his forte. So what if the “one shot” is a puzzle? The preview for next week’s duel (which appears to be a repeat of the Francesca-Matt duel from last season) does not look like a puzzle, but you can never be sure what you are going to get. 3) You’re giving up your immunity idol! Who says you ever get that back? I know this much: I wouldn’t give it to you. And neither should John. 4) Here’s the thing that all of Savaii seems to be ignoring: If they have been observing closely at the duels, they will have noticed the animosity that exists between Christine and the rest of her tribe. (Remember when Sophie came back talking about how angry Christine seemed?) Not only did they vote her out first, but they have been actively rooting against her in duels ever since. Why is Savaii assuming that she will run back to the people who slit her throat? I know Matt did, but Christine is no Matt.
So what’s the upside if Christine is likely to join your side anyway? And if Ozzy ends up going home as a result, he’ll be no better than Lawon from this summer’s Big Brother — a guy who asked to be voted out in the mistaken belief that in doing so he would be acquiring some sort of “special powers.” You know, like the powers of being a dumbass. Okay, let’s take the episode from the very top.
NEXT: Christine gets her duel on…again