Kristen Baldwin
March 13, 2015 AT 07:45 PM EDT

I know what you’re thinking, rose lovers: How in the name of all that’s holy are we going to make it through FOUR HOURS of Bachelor nonsense this week? I know it’s scary, folks. I’m sure you want to just give up right now (right after you take a moment and say your goodbyes, of course). But I need you to hang in there with me, guys. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from recapping this show for the past five years, it’s that we can survive a lot of punishment — as long as we stick together. So let’s do this.

Nikki’s date (Kansas City, MO)

Juan Pablo meets Nikki at Union Station on a brisk fall day. It’s the Midwest, Nikki explains helpfully, which means that she likes her men to be “a little cowboy. And I’m looking forward to seeing how cowboy Juan Pablo really is.” (Oh, I think Desiree could tell you that, honey.) But rather than testing the Bachelor on his lassoing and Lone Ranger skills, Nikki takes him to Oklahoma Joe’s Bar-B-Que, a restaurant whose chief selling point appears to be that it’s located in a gas station. (I mean, the ribs look good too.) After that it’s off to PBR Big Sky Cowboy Bar for a more literal test of Juan Pabs’ “cowboy” skills. He manages to ride the mechanical bull for more than 8 seconds — “I’m okay! I’m okay!” he assures Nikki weakly — before finally sliding to the floor. And she LOVES it. “I’m totally in love with Juan Pablo,” Nikki confesses. “I really want to tell him that I love him… But it’s not right yet.”

Maybe the Ferrell family can help with that! As Nikki gives her mom Jennifer a long hug, Juan Pablo meets the rest of the clan, including dad Tom, brothers Eric and Alex, and sister-in-law Kayla. As per usual, everyone sits down at the dining room table for a lovely looking meal, but nobody eats a bite – and soon Nikki’s mom is whisking her daughter away for a private chat. “Honestly, the next time you see me I could be engaged!” the nurse tells her mom confidently. “Do you mean it?” mom asks, twirling her hair nervously. Sadly mom, yes — yes she does. Dad, meanwhile, is cordial to a fault during his talk with Juan Pablo. “I would prefer that if your heart isn’t there, [you] not ask her to marry you,” he says politely, before concluding the heart-to-heart with, “Thank you for your time.” (Man, how did such sweet parents have such a snotty daughter?)

Nikki assures her dad that she won’t run into any “surprises” if and when she takes the role of Camila’s stepmom, and that everything will be okay because she has “a lot of love to give.” Okay, okay, let’s wrap this up — I leave you with these very wise words from Papa Tom: “It’s just as important for Nikki to select him as it is for Juan Pablo to select her.”

NEXT: All hail Hy!

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